Tag: classic sitcoms

Season 3 Episode 23: The Obscure Objects of our Desire (Part II)

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 31 Comment

Yesterday, I somehow failed to notice that this was a dreaded two-parter, even more dreaded because it’s a two-part flashback episode. That is the worst kind of a two-parter and I am not excited.

In case you missed it, yesterday the Seaver kids were setting up for a garage sale and their throwaway items started talking to each other and sharing their pasts in a series of flashbacks.

Today we get two prolonged flashbacks (that I don’t want to relive) that feature:

In the end, the kids decide they cannot cope with letting go of their old stuff, and they’re onto the fact that Jason really just wanted them to clear out the basement. But then Jason picks up the ashtray Ben made him, and he gets all sentimental and understands why the kids don’t want to part with their things.

At the end of this episode I’m left wondering:

  • What was the point of this episode?

Season 2 Episode 20: Born Free

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 21 Comment

Uh oh, it’s report card time in the Seaver household, which is only bad news for Mike, and so much so that Jason briefly abandons his supportive father status by declaring that Mike is “this close” (insert a mental image of my fingers held closely together) to becoming a “good for nothing bum”. Ouch.

But maybe Maggie and Jason are right to be a little worked up about Mike’s report card, because Mike has earned a slew of D’s, including a D minus minus (that’s not a typo, that’s two minuses), which I’m fairly certain isn’t a grade that actually exists. The bottom line is this: Mike’s not reaching his potential, and Maggie and Jason are desperate for a way to get through to him before he reaches the aforementioned “good for nothing bum” status that they so fear.

Their brilliant idea is for Jason to take Mike to the Boston College campus, where he is delivering a speech, so that Mike can “see what he’ll be missing” at college if he doesn’t get his act together. I’m not sure about this plan, because I’ve yet to see a college campus that made me think ‘hot damn! I’m excited about school!’, and I actually liked school. Of course, they’re not going to sell Mike on this idea by being up front about the purpose of the trip. No, no. Jason’s got another way of framing it: a dude’s getaway in bean town. Mike falls for this hook, line and sinker, and with that they’re off to Boston.

Next thing we know Mike and Jason are on the plane, and what a plane it is. I’m talking a double decker airplane with a spiral stair case. For a flight between New York and Boston. This seems like a bit much for a commuter flight, doesn’t it? But enough about the plane. Right away Jason is working his psychiatric magic on Mike, trying to convince him to come to the college campus to at least hear his speech, maybe even for the whole day. Of course, this wouldn’t be to sell Mike on the college experience, but rather because the college campus would be crawling with girls. Jason sure knows the way to grab his son’s attention.

Mike, of course, is into the idea of girls aplenty, but he’s still so damn blasé about his future and his education. I mean, his plan for post-graduation is an extended party in Fort Lauderdale with Eddie and Boner. Jason is losing his patience quickly and I’m with Jason on this one, not so much because Mike wants to party at the beach as much as because he insists on staying friends with Eddie and Boner beyond high school and, for the love of God Mike, you need some new friends!

Anyway, Jason’s patience is shot now and he’s cutting right to the chase, bordering on lecturing Mike on the need to take his future seriously because time is precious. Jason, you forget that the concept of time being precious is lost on youth because, at that age, we all believe that our time is infinite. Just as Jason is really digging into Mike, they’re interrupted by a medical emergency on the plane. Someone needs a doctor, and Jason is the only doctor on the flight. At least temporarily, Mike is spared having to contemplate his future.

It turns out a woman on the plane is about to have a baby, because apparently she didn’t get the memo about the risks of flying late in the third trimester.  And sidenote, the baby-to-be’s father is played by none other than the hotheaded coach from the one episode where Ben played hockey, also better known as the father from The Wonder Years. God bless Growing Pains and its consistent re-purposing of guest stars!

Anyway, Jason has to step into action with the pregnant woman. At first he thinks he just has to stabilize the situation because the flight is so short, but wouldn’t you know that Boston is fogged in so the plane is going to have to circle around for a while. Jason might just have to deliver this baby himself! The only problem is that Dan, the father to be, is absolutely freaking out and getting in the way. So Jason tasks Mike with trying to calm him down.

Dan’s main concern is that he’s going to be a terrible father, because what wisdom could he possibly have to offer his child? Mike is doing his best to assure him that dads always know best and, in the process, suddenly realizes that maybe all of Jason’s pestering about his education is coming from a place of wisdom and knowledge after all. Maybe Mike does need to take his future a little more seriously, or at the very least respect that his father might just know a thing or two about life from which he can learn. Whoa. Dan and Mike are both having some serious revelations here.

And then, just like that, Mike and Dan’s meaningful moment is cut short by the crying of a baby. We have a newborn, folks! That’s right! And this child was born in the ‘magic carpet lounge’ on the second story of what must be the most luxurious commuter plane ever to fly the skies. That has to be good luck, right?

What’s important, though, is that Mike now gets that his dad has advice worthy of listening to and, not only that, but he also is really something else. I mean, he helped a woman give birth on a plane and you don’t do that without some education. Mike has seen the light, and he wants to learn a bit more about this whole college thing. Though it wasn’t quite how Jason envisioned his plan working out, it sure did work like gangbusters. Jason’s perfect parenting record remains intact!

At the end of this episode I’m left wondering:

  • At what point did it become socially unacceptable to call a psychiatrist’s patient a “mental patient”? Because these Seaver kids are throwing that term around constantly in these early seasons.
  • Why did they pick the world’s largest baby to play the part of freshly minted newborn? I mean, I know “newborns” on television are always bigger than real newborns, but this is like a straight up 6 month old baby.
  • Did two-story planes actually exist? [Update: I Googled this, and not only is one company making some seriously swank two-story aircrafts to this day (although they’re ceasing production in 2021…perhaps because no one really needs a double-decker plane), but some discussion forums fondly remember the days of second-story lounges on domestic flights. I particularly enjoyed this comment: “Quite a while ago (during the 70’s) there used to be bars and lounges up there. Anyone could go upstairs and get a drink and stretch out. (I think you could smoke up there as well).” My how times have changed!]

Season 1 Episode 21: Career Decision

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 11 Comment

I don’t know how to tell you this so I’m going to come right out and say it: this is another in a series of less-than-entertaining episodes. In my opinion, Season One has taken a real turn for the worse since episode 18 and I am none too pleased. I’m sorry you have to suffer with me but, then again, at least we’re together?

This episode is another dog’s breakfast of plot lines the most significant of which involves Maggie and Jason grappling with career decisions (as the title so clearly implies). The long and the short of it is: Maggie’s got a front page story in the local paper and she is so grateful that Jason moved his practice back home so her career could shine. But then an old colleague comes by to offer Jason a job heading the psychiatry department in his old hospital and now we have what I like to call a conundrum. Who gets to pursue their career? Only time will tell.

What viewers will endure is about fifteen minutes worth of Jason making pro-con lists and debating whether to tackle career conversations with Maggie with integrity or selfish desires to escape the house every day. Maggie will wrestle with pressure to support her husband while still maintaining her own career. Viewers will wonder why someone needs to be at home with the kids after school when Mike and Carol are both old enough to take care of Ben for a couple hours. Alas, clearly Maggie and Jason are implicitly opposed to latchkey kids.  Personally, I loved the couple hours of perceived absolute freedom between when I got off school and my parents came home from work. I got to watch Much Music (the Canadian equivalent of MTV) and eat snacks I probably shouldn’t have been eating. That’s a big win for an 11 year old. Once again, I digress.

For a brief moment, it seems that Jason will be spared having to compromise on his career. Maggie gets lambasted for a typo in an article. Her editor is a bit of a hothead and seems to think that putting the wrong initial in someone’s name is the end of the world, and then Maggie somehow determines the best way to deal with this work mishap is to simply quit.  She talks to Jason about it, and he does the unthinkable: he takes the low road and quasi-manipulates Maggie into thinking quitting might just be the right choice. This is a rarely seen path for Jason and it does not suit him well.

What ensues is a classic sitcom misunderstanding in which Jason thinks Maggie has gone to work to quit, but Maggie has really gone to work to tell her editor she’s the shit. Jason storms in to try to stop her from quitting and Maggie tells him in no uncertain terms that was not her plan and we all have a good laugh. In the end, Maggie gets to keep her career and Jason has to give up his job…but not really, because he’s still gainfully employed.

Oh, and if you’re wondering, Carol, Mike and Ben all pretty much have nothing going on in this episode.

At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:

  • Aren’t there fact checkers for newspaper stories to make sure minor typos like that don’t happen? As I write this, I suspect maybe not at a Long Island community paper…
  • Really, couldn’t both Maggie and Jason have had their dream careers? I’m living proof that latchkey kids turn out just fine.
  • What is happening at the tail end of season 1? The episodes are getting painful to watch.

Season 1 Episode 17: Charity Begins at Home

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 11 Comment

We’ve got ourselves another Ben-centric episode and I remember this one vividly, but I definitely won’t spoil it for you right off the top. Let’s get to it!

The start of this episode is just too much for this child of the 80s, because Ben and Mike are dancing to MTV music videos, and I can remember when people used to actually watch MTV for the music and videos. To add to the vintage feel of this scene, Carol is trying to talk on the phone in the same room and needs them to be quiet because she’s tethered by a corded phone. Guys, do you remember when phones had cords?!?! Do you remember not being able to go wherever you wanted to go with your phone? I sure do.

None of this has anything to do with the story, though, so I’ll get back on track. What we learn is we’re rapidly approaching Jason’s birthday, and Jason is apparently both a birthday fanatic and someone who wants (perhaps expects?) to receive lavish gifts from his family. In fact, he’s doubling down on the kids’ allowances just to make sure that happens.

The kids, of course, are now stressing because they want to get their dad great gifts, although mostly they want to out-do each other in the gifts department.  Ben is particularly bummed because he gets less allowance than his older siblings, and how will he ever be able to compete with their gifts? He raises these concerns with Maggie, who tries to assure him that we don’t show our love through the size of our gifts. While that may be true in actuality, Jason certainly hasn’t created that impression with his birthday exuberance.

Still in his funk, Ben stumbles upon some divine intervention—quite literally. As he’s flipping through channels he comes across some sort of evangelical broadcast promoting the power of prayer. Well, Ben’s never tried simply praying for more money so that he can buy his dad a better gift, so there’s no time like the present to start. Ben says a quick prayer to God and no sooner are the words out of his mouth then the doorbell rings.

There, standing on the other side of the door, is a delightful old lady holding out a bucket full of money. Ben, being nine years of age, assumes that she’s giving him the money in response to his prayer. He grabs the money, slams the door in the bewildered lady’s face, and is an instant believer in the Lord’s divine intervention.

Except, of course, the lady isn’t giving Ben money, she’s collecting money for charity and she’s not leaving without her bucket of cash. Within minutes, the matter is all sorted, she gets her money back, admonishes Ben, and leaves him empty-handed all over again.

Ben is crushed. God didn’t actually answer his prayers and he’s still broke. That might’ve been the end of Ben’s efforts to make fast cash if it hadn’t been for Mike. Mike, who had witnessed the entire scenario at the door, jokingly tells Ben that “with his pathetic face” he could probably make a fortune collecting money door to door. Mike is obviously not suggesting that Ben actually do this, but the problem is that 9 year-olds don’t always understand the difference between dry sarcasm and serious suggestions. Mike has inadvertently made a light bulb go off in Ben’s head: what if he did go to door to door collecting money for charity, only that charity is really “Help Me Buy a Gift for My Dad”. I sense trouble.

We jump ahead to Jason’s birthday and it’s time to open his gifts!  So far, Jason is really cleaning up in the gifts department. Carol gives him off broadway tickets. Maggie gives him a fishing rod even though we’ve never heard Jason talk about fishing  (nor, from my recollection, do we ever see any future signs that Jason is at all outdoorsy).  Mike gives him a pretty snazzy set of records, which totally makes sense because we do know Jason loves his music.  But Ben is about to blow those gifts out of the water because he’s giving Jason an ultra-fancy camera. Say what!?!

At first Jason is super pumped and thinks nothing of it, because he assumes that Maggie was really behind it. But when she clarifies that she wasn’t, the mood in the room takes a turn.  Of course, they ask where Ben got that kind of money (a cool $300 apparently) and he very innocently tells them he went door to door collecting money for the needy because Mike suggested it. Way to throw Mike under the bus, Ben. Once again, Carol is the only child who isn’t implicated in a Seaver family drama.

Jason’s birthday celebration now turns into Jason trying to understand 1) how Ben didn’t know this was wrong and 2) how Ben got the impression that the size and cost of the birthday gift was what mattered. While we don’t know the answer to the first question, I think we all know precisely why Ben thought the gift itself mattered, and that reason is Jason implicitly told his kids the gifts mattered. No matter, it’s time to dole out Ben’s punishment, while simultaneously ensuring he learns his lesson. Poor Ben is going to have to go door to door, giving back the money he took and explaining that he lied to get it. That’s a tough way to learn a lesson. Fair but tough.

At the end of a long day of fessing up to his crimes, Ben finally gives his dad his original gift—a homemade ashtray that looks remarkably like a human heart. Jason is touched, even though he doesn’t smoke, because the gift is from the heart (which I’m just realizing as I write this is maybe why it looks like a human heart???) and that’s what’s most important. Ben also confirms the lesson he has learned through all of this which is that “If God gives [him] an idea, [he’ll] check with [Jason] first.” Jason, I think you might need to do some follow up on this one…

Oh and in case you’re wondering, Mike didn’t escape scot-free. He’s got to donate his next month’s allowance to charity. Even though I still don’t really get how any of this is Mike’s fault, I am always okay with charities receiving more money so this punishment is ultimately for the best.  With that, we bring this episode and Jason’s birthday extravaganza to a close, and what an extravaganza it’s truly been!

At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:

  • How did Ben raise $300 in a day? Did people of the 80s have more cash in their pockets and were they more generous with door to door charity collections?
  • How did Ben get to the store to buy the camera, get it home and wrap it with no one noticing or asking him what he got for his dad?
  • Seriously, why did Mike get punished for this at all? Maggie claims it’s not fair for Mike to even joke with his brother because Ben idolizes him and will do whatever he says, but that’s what siblings do so her ask seems highly unreasonable. 

Season 1 Episode 16: The Seavers vs. The Cleavers

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 11 Comment

Oh my, Carol and Mike’s school has sent a letter home. But don’t worry, the kids aren’t in trouble. The school is just canvassing for volunteers to chaperone weekly school dances. Weekly? That school has ambition! Carol is totally cool with her parents’ chaperoning (for now), but Mike is definitely not.  This seems to take Maggie by surprise as she can’t wrap her head around why teenage kids wouldn’t want their parents at their school dances.

I’m usually team Jason and this is no exception, because at least he understands why their being chaperones might be difficult for the kids.  He enlightens Maggie, helping her see why they might want to let this one slide. The matter seems like it’s put to rest: Maggie and Jason aren’t going to chaperone. Mike breathes a sigh of relief.

But then…could there be a change of heart? You bet! Because Carol’s got a new crush, a boy who just moved from Los Angeles, and who is part of the dance decorating committee and thus will be attending the dance. Now Carol wants to go to the dance, too, but when Jason contemplates his little girl, at a dance, with some guy from LA, well, now chaperoning sounds like a great idea. Sorry, Mike, your mom and dad are going to the dance after all. To make matters worse, now Carol is also in a tizzy about it, because the idea of your parents chaperoning is only cool when you don’t want to slow dance with your crush for hours on end.

The next day at school, Carol is complaining to her new crush about how her parents are going to chaperoning the dance. It turns out his parents had chaperoned a dance in his old school and it was the worst night of his life. His parents danced. In front of everyone. He is still not fully recovered from this experience. This isn’t helping Carol at all, and now things are about to get worse for her.

Just as Carol is resigning herself to the embarrassing fate of publicly displayed parents, an unexpected story arc comes into play. Annette Funicello (of Mickey Mouse club fame!) is here and she is the picture of parental perfection and also a real stick in the mud.  Her character has a name in this episode, but if you don’t mind, I’m just going to keep calling her Annette. I come to expect Annette to be sweet as pie, because all of her characters have traditionally been sweet as pie, but she is definitely serving up some raging judgment in this role.

Anyway, Annette hears the Seavers are going to be chaperoning along with her and her husband and let’s just say that she doesn’t hold back on her opinions. She calls Maggie and Jason “unacceptable parents”, declaring it practically sinful that Jason runs a practice out of his house and Maggie went back to work after having children. The lady’s got strong viewpoints., that’s for sure, and they strike me as a little outdated even for the 80s.

The bigger problem is that Carol and her crush are privy to her entire diatribe and now Carol is even more embarrassed because her date heard her parents described as unacceptable. Now, I’m no expert on teenage social points systems, but wouldn’t having your parents be described as badass be a good thing? Carol doesn’t seem to think so.  In fact, she’s certain her shot at love, and her social life overall, are at serious risk.

Poor Carol, but also poor Maggie and Jason, because Annette’s got such clout in the PTA that she is able to get them kicked off chaperoning duty. The school claims it’s because they double booked chaperones, but Carol knows that’s not the real reason and she’s quick to let Maggie and Jason in on the real deal.

Not ones to take things lying down, Maggie and Jason head right over to Annette’s to clear the air. This is where we are exposed to a more complete and frightening picture of Annette. Because she is one of those people with plastic lined furniture and little plastic rollouts on the carpet so that everything is kept just so.  And she expects her son and husband to be just so. And all I’m thinking is that she’s clearly wrestling with some very deep and unresolved issues, and that perhaps she is very much in need of Jason’s psychiatric services, but that’s beside the point.  The point is that Maggie and Jason are not getting through to Annette because she is too deep in an impermeable hole of self-righteousness.

Maggie and Jason decide the next best thing is to simply show up at the dance, where they are still not designated as chaperones, just to show Annette how capable they are of holding a bunch of tame high school kids in line. Annette is practically fuming, but in a totally sublimated way that’s mildly terrifying.  But she’s about to get hers because apparently a part of this social event is an “old fogey dance” (their words, not mine) wherein the chaperones are invited to dance in front of all the students. As a brief aside, I now understand at an even deeper level how this would be embarrassing for the kids because it’s one thing to have your parents at the dance and quite another to have them partake in a spotlighted dancing session. I cannot imagine a 15 year old who would be okay with this.

Annette and her husband are first on the deck and they are, as you would expect from two uptight people, not very loose in the dancing department. And man it’s painful to watch and if their kid is at the dance, which he may very well not be allowed to attend, he probably is cowering in shame.  Maggie and Jason are up next, and they’ve got moves y’all.  Even the kids are noticing. In fact, they are genuinely cheering them on, and totally respecting their moves. Now, even though I’m legit impressed by their dancing, I still think that a bunch of high school kids would be making fun of them regardless, because that is what teenagers do. Somehow, in this manufactured 80s sitcom world the Seavers are gaining major cool points.  Mike and Carol, it seems, have been spared social pariah status. Crisis averted and a happy ending for all, just like we’ve come to know and love from the Seaver family!

At the end of this episode I’m left wondering:

  • Are weekly school dances a thing? I feel like we maybe had four per year. And none had parental chaperones.
  • At one point in this episode, Mike tries to go to school in a shirt that has a giant 3D chicken head coming out of it and Maggie and Jason react as if it is the most inappropriate thing he could possibly be wearing. My question is: even in the 80s couldn’t there have been far worse things for a kid to wear?
  • Does anyone still wrap their couches in plastic? Aside from the environmentally unfriendly factor, have we finally figured out once and for all that furniture is actually meant to be used?

Season 1 Episode 13: The Love Song of M. Aaron Seaver

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 1Leave a comment

This episode kicks off with the Seavers prepping Carol for what sounds like quite the cutthroat family bowling competition with the Seavers’ nemeses, the Koosmans. It’s perfectly clear within the first couple of minutes that a) the Seavers take their bowling very seriously b) for reasons unknown, they really hate the Koosmans and c) Mike is the only member of the family who can actually bowl.

Bear with me here because we’re about to do a major pivot from the bowling storyline to one about poetry. Somehow, from bowling practice, Mike segues into asking Carol for a neo-symbolist poem.  Naturally, the entire family wants to know why on earth Mike would want a neo-symbolist poem, and this question prompts a classic 80s sitcom moment—a flashback sequence!

Mike takes us back in time to his English class, into which walks the girl of his dreams. She is Juliet. And she is sophisticated, which we can deduce from her hair style and fashion choices alone. She speaks multiple languages. She has lived all around the world. And apparently she is super into neo-symbolist poetry. Mike is smitten. The only problem is: Mike has nothing in common with her, most notably her passion for poetry. But he sees a way around this, which is to lie to Juliet about own love for lyrical verse…and then to promptly cover his tracks by trying to buy a poem off his sister. Clearly, this is not the foundation for any type of healthy relationship.

The entire family can tell that this is going to blow up in Mike’s face. Jason gently urges Mike to consider that eventually he will have to be himself around Juliet, but Mike is not listening. Mike’s take on relationships is that you have to lure in the ladies with lies and, once you have them firmly ensnared in your love nest, only then can you unleash your true self. Maggie and Jason seem fine to let Mike play this out as a valuable learning lesson, which seems inconsistent with their usual parenting approach, but then again if they didn’t let Mike go through with this plan there would be no episode.

Flash forward to the next day in class, and Mike is volunteering to recite a poem to his entire class. I have to assume that this would be quite a departure from his usual classroom behaviour and yet no one seems phased by it. Maybe I don’t get neo-symbolist poetry, quite likely since I actually don’t know what it is, but I have a hard time imagining anyone being impressed by this poem. Judging by the rest of Mike’s classmate’s faces, they agree with me. But not Juliet. Juliet is deep so she gets this poem in a big way and she is loving it…and Mike. She thinks his poem is “incredible” and is so relieved that Mike isn’t just some “suburban dolt”. This is the point at which we get some real insights into Juliet’s true character, which is less sophisticated than downright snobby and ultra judgmental. My take is that Mike should steer clear of this lady, but he’s got to get there on his own.

Somehow the next step in Mike and Juliet’s burgeoning relationship involves inviting her over to meet the entire family. This seems like a rapid escalation, but it appears that Mike has talked up his family so greatly that perhaps Juliet just wants to meet them all. I can’t blame her because I’d also want to meet the family that included a Pulitzer prize winner and 27-time novelist (Maggie), a painter (Jason) and a wunderkind (Ben).  He’s woven quite the tale of a cultured and accomplished family, which the Seavers legitimately are even without all the lies, just not quite enough for the snobby likes of Juliet.

At first, Maggie and Jason are downright opposed to going along with Mike’s lies, but when Juliet shows up and proceeds to shower them with compliments, they change their tune. What I learn from this ‘date’ is that Juliet is a talker (like she never stops) and also takes many liberties with Mike’s names, calling him everything from Mikhail to Mishka, and I have to wonder if even a 15 year old boy wouldn’t tire of this pretty quickly. There’s other beautiful girls out there, Mike, ones that won’t call you Mishka.  Anyway, it’s not long before Juliet really puts her foot in her mouth by claiming all suburbanites are braindead and I really think this has to be the point at which Maggie and Jason say enough is enough and call her out. But they don’t! They just let it slide! This is not the Maggie and Jason that I know and love.

But it turns out that they’re really setting Mike up to be punished in a better way than being embarrassed by his parents. You see, Juliet’s invited him to a performance art showing and Maggie and Jason know that simply attending this event will be punishment enough for Mike, but it’s likely to have the added bonus of forcing his lies to bubble to the surface. The only catch is that performance art night actually falls on the same night as the Seaver/Koosman family bowl-off. And, though the entire family tries to hint at this really, really hard without letting Juliet in on the fact they dare do something as uncultured as bowl, Mike still picks the girl over his family.

Just when you think Jason and Maggie will do a hard sell on the “you made a commitment and you don’t back out on commitments” line, they let us down. Sure, they say it, but they don’t enforce it at all. Jason, of course, is far too liberal to force his kids to do anything. He wants Mike to learn the hard way just how important it is to be yourself. And that he does.

The art exhibit is the beginning of the end for Mike and Juliet, because Mike is not at all getting any of the art at this show whereas Juliet is finding all sorts of deep meaning in everything. The real kicker is the actual performance art piece, which totally perplexes Mike (because it makes no sense whatsoever) but which Juliet and her friends find to be the most brilliant commentary ever. Well, Juliet’s friends are no less snobby than Juliet and they back Mike into quite a corner until he finally snaps and admits that he is just a “suburban simpleton” who likes to bowl with his family. Juliet is aghast at this admission, as are her friends, and that’s pretty much the point at which they’re all done with Mike. Mike doesn’t seem super bummed at all by this, and I’m hoping it’s because he realizes that all Juliet’s posturing is likely a mask for her own deep feelings of inferiority and unhappiness. I’m probably giving Mike a bit more credit than is due.

The positive to this love story not working out is that Mike is able to make it to the family bowling night just in the nick of time to save the day. The Seavers are able to kick the Koosman’s asses, Mike has learned a very valuable lesson about being yourself, and Maggie and Jason didn’t have to lecture him at all to get him there. Now that’s a tidy ending.  


At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:

  • Who practices bowling on their living room floor with real bowling balls? That can’t be good for the floors.
  • Mike pays Carol $5 for a poem. Is it just me, or is Carol majorly undercharging?
  • Really, what is a neo-symbolist poem? Actually, the real question is what kind of high school student knows what a neo-symbolist poem is?
  • Why is Mike having a date with Juliet and his entire family…in his living room?

Season 1 Episode 11: Standardized Test

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 11 Comment

We kick off this episode with a rare display of sibling bonding between Mike and Carol. Normally they fight like cats and dogs, but today they are playing Trivial Pursuit and lip syncing to “Midnight Train in Georgia” and it’s all very unusual. But we’ll see later that this is setting the stage for some important sibling conversations.  For now, the fun is about to grind to a halt because the report cards have arrived in the mail. 

To clarify, for Carol this doesn’t impact the fun at all because she’s positively giddy over her straight As. Mike, on the other hand, is staring at a mixed bag of Cs and Ds with one little B thrown in the mix, which is just enough to prove to his parents that he’s capable of more. Well, Mike needs to get out of dodge fast to avoid the inevitable and disparaging comparisons between his and Carol’s grades. He’s out the door in 2.2 seconds. 

When Mike returns from his cooling off period, we get to experience one of my favourite Growing Pains dialogue tools yet again: the deep-philosophical-questions-masquerading-as-humour tactic. It goes a little something like this: Maggie and Jason ask Mike where he’s been and Mike claims he’s been out looking for Duke, who you might remember as the dog who went missing in episode 5.  Jason is quick to point out that not only did Duke go missing 6 months ago, but he also wasn’t their dog.  Mike is quick to reply with this gem: “What do we mean by ‘our dog’? I mean, can one person ever really own another thing?” Kudos, Mike. Except that you’ve just proven that anyone who can whip out that line of thinking at the drop of a hat should not be getting Cs and Ds.

Maggie and Jason couldn’t agree more, and they are quick to let Mike know that they are not upset with his grades inasmuch as the fact that he’s not living up to his potential. This is about as classic a line as you’ll ever get from any parents, and I feel for Mike because few things are worse for a kid than believing his parents are disappointed in him. They try to dig into what’s at the heart of Mike’s low grades but Mike is highly adept at deflection and wants nothing to do with this whole conversation.

Instead, Mike projects all of his insecurities against Carol. He and Carol end up in a debate about who’s smarter, which from a grades perspective is pretty clear but we all know that grades aren’t necessarily a sign of intelligence. Mike is quick to declare that he could just as easily get straight As if he weren’t so busy, you know, having friends and a social life. That one stings a little, but then Carol goes and throws down the gauntlet by reminding Mike that Monday is the big standardized aptitude test and it’s going to show once and for all that she’s the smartest. Way to go, Carol. You really took the wind out of Mike’s sails. 

Sidenote: It’s taking everything in my power not to drag myself into a raging tangent on the complete uselessness of aptitude testing right now. Suffice it to say, I feel for Mike at this point because I believe these tests are total shams.  

Well, Monday rolls around and Mike’s friend Richie, who is the same Richie we saw smitten with Carol in Episode 9, goes on at length about just how dumb they’re both going to look because they both have siblings who are practically genius status. And Mike, apparently not wanting to lose any more face, picks this moment to decide he’s going to completely botch his test. Instead of answering the actual questions, he’s just going to draw pretty pictures in the dots and call it a day.

Nowadays, I feel like this would be seen as a reasonable sign of protest against antiquated practices, but back in the 80s this was totally unacceptable.  The school is quick to call Maggie and Jason in because Mike’s tactics scored him a paltry 27 on a test where 100 is considered average.  Thankfully the principal noticed that Mike’s test paper looked more like a sketch pad than a typical scoring sheet, so they know that Mike’s not an actual “idiot” but he has really disrespected the sanctity of this aptitude test. .

Now it’s time for Mike to face the music (aka his parents), who want to know why he would do such a thing. It seems like Jason should be able to read between the lines here and see Mike’s insecurities and sibling jealousy at play, but maybe he just wants Mike to reflect on this and articulate it for himself. But he’s not going to get that, because Mike shuts down the conversation completely.

But don’t worry, because this is where Carol and Mike’s earlier sibling bonding sets Carol up to save the day. She swoops in to cheer up Mike. First, she owns up to her own insecurities, and the fact that she teases Mike about his intelligence because she’s jealous of his coolness.  She then sets out to prove how many “stupid facts” Mike actually knows to try to show him he’s smart too. I have to say I don’t love this as a strategy because, in reality, Mike is no different than most of us. He simply learns and retains what’s of interest to him.  And I think we all know that the education system most definitely didn’t cater to different learning styles in the 80s (and, really, still doesn’t). But again, I’ll spare you a lengthy tangent on this and get back to the episode.

Carol’s made things right, and now Mike can see he’s smart in his way. Not only that but, now that he’s unburdened by his feelings of inferiority, he’s ready to take the aptitude test all over again, and this time properly. And thank god, because how else will they all know if he’s really smart or not?

At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:  

  • Where do report cards get mailed to students? Mine were handed to me at school. Is this an American thing?  
  • Do kids still get subjected to ridiculous standardized testing in schools? How has no one figured out these things are a sham?
  • In episode 9 it seemed that Richie was one of Carol’s brainy friends but here he’s presented as “dumb” like Mike. Has no one else noticed this plot inconsistency?
  • How quickly do these tests get scored? Mike and Carol get their results back same day, which seems unlikely even if the school had a whole fleet of Scantron scanning machines.  
  • Don’t you think that even with totally random answers, Mike probably would’ve scored higher than 27?
  • What was Carol’s score on the aptitude test? Even though I think aptitude tests are a sham, ultimately I was dying to know how the show’s writers categorized her intelligence in relation to Mike’s.

Season 1 Episode 10: Dirt Bike

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 11 Comment

We’re starting to get into episodes that I remember surprisingly well for not having watched this show in years. Although, to be fair, detailed recall of television storylines and dialogue is one of my greatest talents.

In this episode we’re back to a Mike-centric storyline. Within minutes, Mike is really working some sort of angle by pretending to be into ornithology, which we know can only be to manipulate his parents because no 15 year-old boy is that into birds. It’s quickly revealed that Mike is trying to sell his parents on a boys camping weekend, which wouldn’t be that big a deal if he hadn’t mentioned that it would involve dirt biking. In the Seaver household, it appears that dirt biking is tantamount to the world’s most dangerous activity. Okay, let’s call a spade a spade: in Maggie’s mind, dirt biking is the world’s most dangerous activity.

Jason, ever the voice of reason, encourages Maggie to be a little less extreme in her views on dirt biking, but what we’ve learned about Maggie in these early episodes is that she is not one to moderate her extreme reactions to anything. The best Mike can get from his parents under these circumstances is a compromise: he can go camping, but he can’t go dirt biking.  Who else can already tell that Mike is 100% going to crumble in the face of dirt biking temptation and peer pressure? Apparently not Maggie and Jason. Their unwavering trust in Mike, despite his track record, is such a beautiful testament to the absolute power of parental love.  

It’s off to the woods for Mike where I’m excited to add that Boner makes another appearance, but sadly not Eddie. Sidenote: Eddie doesn’t strike me as much of a camper, so this omission makes perfect sense to me. The great outdoors adventure is off to a hot start with the boys taking turns on the one dirt bike they’ve brought with them. Mike starts off admirably holding up his end of the bargain by doing everything in his power to avoid dirt biking. That is, until his friends really start in on the mama’s boy talk, against which Mike’s will power is no match, so he sets off on the dirt bike to prove them wrong.

Which he doesn’t.

Instead, he ‘dazzles’ his friends by hanging from the tailpipe before eventually falling off the dirt bike completely. Mike tries to act like all of this was on purpose, but his friends aren’t so sure when they see that Mike’s run his backside across the meat grinder that is nature. In other words, he’s got some seriously bad abrasions on his ass. Growing Pains consistently surprises me with examples of young people showing genuine responsibility and this moment is no exception. Mike’s friends immediately have the good sense to know that his injury is not one to be ignored. Mike is in need of medical attention and, with that, the camping/dirt biking weekend is officially over. 

Mike also knows he needs to go to the doctor, but he also desperately hopes it’s not his regular doctor because he really, really wants to keep this whole injury from his parents. He thinks he has good chances because his doctor usually doesn’t work on weekends. But wouldn’t you know it, Mike’s regular doctor is working this weekend. Uh oh. Still, Mike holds onto hope that he can keep this from his parents.  This scene at the doctor’s office also provides my favourite moment of the entire episode.  Mike’s doctor makes such an obvious wise crack (pun intended) that I couldn’t help but LOL: taking one glance at Mike’s butt injury, the doctor exclaims ‘Mike, this looks really bad! It’s broken in half!’. I mean, come on, a good ass joke never goes out of style.

My second favourite moment of the episode happens when Mike comes home early from the camping trip and Maggie asks ‘what are you doing here?’ to which Mike replies “what are any of us doing here?”. I do love when a deep, philosophical question is used for light hearted humour. Is that just me? Okay, moving along.  

Jason is quick to show Mike what he’s been up to while Mike was away, which was renting a dirt bike so Mike can learn properly. It’s a little late for that, Jason, but of course he doesn’t know that yet.  Well, this makes things awkward for Mike because his ass is still in a world of pain so sitting on a dirt bike, let alone riding it, is really just about the last thing for which he can feign enthusiasm. Jason is a bit perplexed as to why Mike isn’t more enthused about dirt biking with dad, but a phone call from Mike’s doctor really helps to clarify the matter.  Not only does Mike have to admit that he lied to his parents, but also that they are always right. It’s a tough lesson most of us learn about our parents at some point: they are usually right.  

Maggie and Jason are surprisingly understanding, although Mike is, of course, grounded. But really, being grounded isn’t that big a deal when your ass is in excruciating pain. What was Mike really going to do instead?

Before concluding this episode recap, I feel it’s only fair to acknowledge that there was a Ben and Carol storyline, but that it was so terribly dull and minor that I have chosen to disregard it, as is my right as this blog’s owner. If you’re a die-hard Carol and Ben storyline fanatic, you can watch the episode yourself, but I’m sure you’ll ultimately agree that I made the right call here.

At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:  

  • Is it consistent with the Seavers’ parenting philosophy to tell their kid he can’t dirt bike because it’s not safe, but then to rent a dirt bike for him?
  • Would three dudes really go dirt biking in the woods with only one dirt bike?
  • Where can I find a doctor who employs really good puns? I have not seen a doctor who showed any signs of humour since I was 11 (aside from my physiotherapists, who I believe are a completely different category of medical professional).

Season 1 Episode 9: Carol’s Crush

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 12 Comments

Brace yourself for another Carol storyline! This time around, Jeff’s in town for law school interviews, and he’s staying with the Seavers. Who’s Jeff? Jeff is the son of old family friends, and the Seavers haven’t seen him in years, so they’re all pretty excited. And then when he shows up, well, there are some fireworks for Carol. It’s a puppy-love-at-first-sight moment, wherein she opens the door for Jeff and he opens the door to her heart.

Carol’s crush is obvious to Maggie and Jason, and they think it’s simply adorable. Neither seems to appreciate the tenderness of a young girl’s heart and, thus, the ripe opportunity for some serious heartbreak by episode’s end. The Seavers spend the evening playing trivial pursuit, and Carol is thrilled when Jeff selects her as his partner, interpreting it as a sign of his growing love for her. Oh, Carol. Can’t you see it’s only because you know the answers to everything? It’s too late. Carol is smitten.

The next day, the whole family is getting ready to go to Ben’s football game. That is, everyone except for Carol, who has an airtight excuse for staying home which is to “watch her banana bread cool”. For a smart girl, I expect better white lies.  Carol’s real plan is to stay back hoping for some quality one-on-one time with Jeff.  This works out beyond perfectly when Jeff’s friend calls to bail on going to a Gershwin review in Manhattan, and Jeff invites Carol to go with him instead. Carol cannot see that Jeff is simply being polite. The puppy-love plot thickens.

Carol gets herself ready for a night on the town, channelling her finest lady of the 80s look (i.e. thick belt and shoulder pads).  It’s a bold look for Carol and, finally, Maggie and Jason start to see potential for heartbreak because Carol is clearly in date mode and Jeff is clearly not and maybe they shouldn’t have been so “look-how-cute-Carol’s-crush is” about this situation. Still, neither parent intervenes nor attempts to moderate Carol’s expectations for the evening, and so she and Jeff are left to their own devices.

At first, it seems the evening is off to a fantastic start. The Gershwin review was just as thrilling as anticipated, and Carol is in heaven because now they are having a fancy dinner together. This is all working out perfectly.

Until Leslie walks in. Ugh. Leslie.

Who’s Leslie, you might ask? Well, we know very little of Leslie, except that she is clearly Jeff’s age, which is already several legs up on Carol, and she also has obviously been romantically involved with Jeff in the past and whatever flame existed is not yet dead. We also know that Leslie is a little bit condescending because she talks to Carol like she’s a five year old.  But the real soul-crushing moment occurs when Jeff introduces Carol as the sister he’s never had. Whomp. Jeff, come on. Carol is crestfallen and she certainly doesn’t hide it, which really puts a damper on the rest of the evening.  The only positive outcome here is that Jeff finally realizes that Carol has a crush on him.

The next day, Carol tries to do some damage control by showing Jeff she don’t need him…or perhaps she is merely trying to make Jeff jealous. Regardless of motive, she drags her poor friend Richie into the mix, parading him around the living room as the one and only boy in her life. If Carol’s plan is, in fact, to spark jealousy in Jeff, the problem with this plan is threefold:

  1. Richie is not someone who’s likely to incite jealousy in anyone.
  2. Jeff is 23 and Carol is 14 so no matter how jealous Jeff might actually get, any romantic relationship between the two of them would actually be illegal in the state of New York.
  3. Poor Richie actually loves Carol so this plan is simultaneously his dream and nightmare, and poor Carol is exploiting this love intentionally which just strikes me as a million times worse than Jeff’s completely unintentional exploitation of Carol’s crush on him.

Maggie and Jason can see that things have really gone off the rails so they try to smooth out all the hard feelings before Jeff leaves town.  They (finally) remind Carol that Jeff is considerably older and that they’re just not the right age for each other. Then they really work the empathy/’we’ve-all-been-there’ angle hard, sharing their own experiences of making fools of themselves in the name of love.  This boosts Carol’s mood enough that she wants to make things right with Jeff, which really does prove Carol is the most mature 14 year-old ever because I would have been far too mortified by my behaviour to ever have looked Jeff in the face again.

Enough about me, Carol and Jeff have a nice heart to heart on the front porch and leave on good terms, but not before they have an awkward exchange in which Jeff says if they were both fourteen he’d be a lovesick puppy, and then Carol says “imagine the fun we’d have if we were both 23.” Is that…appropriate?

At the end of today’s episode, I’m left wondering:

  • Would two 23-year old dudes reuniting in New York really go see a Gershwin review together as their big night out on the town?  
  • Jeff was in town for two nights and brought one large suitcase, a smaller carry on and a tennis racket. Does this seem excessive to anyone else?
  • Do people really climb in/out of second story windows in real life as much as they do in TV? This extends beyond this episode, where Carol makes Richie exit the Seaver house out her window, to a plethora of other television shows in which bedroom windows are used to enter/exit a house. Is this a case of art imitating life or television writers inventing a creative plot device?

Season 1 Episode 8: Slice of Life

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 11 Comment

This episode is what I like to call a little bit of a hot mess. In trying to give everyone a storyline, none of the stories fit together in any meaningful way. The Seavers didn’t feel like a family in this episode, as much as a collection of people doing their own thing but in the same general vicinity. Perhaps this is what the episode’s title (‘slice of life’) is meant to capture. Maybe this whole episode is meant to be a commentary on the fact a slice of life is increasingly becoming disconnected, a caution against the separateness that is infringing on the American family? Then again, perhaps I’m reaching for thematic depth that doesn’t exist in 80s sitcoms and this episode really is just a bit of a dog’s breakfast in the plot department.

Let’s get to it. I’m organizing this episode review by characters because none of the storylines were connected anyway.

Ben and Carol

Ben is hell-bent on getting into the world record book due to some sort of existential crisis that has him concerned with establishing his immortality. That kid sure vacillates between acting his age and showing a depth of thinking that terrifies me as an adult. At any rate, Carol is fascinated by his desire for immortality and so she’s fiercely committed to helping him find obscure ways to break world records, all of which I find extremely annoying but none of which work. However, Ben and Carol’s efforts aren’t entirely for naught because trying all these different things in one day was enough to break the world record for most attempts to break world records in a day. Also, I did not enjoy this storyline.

Mike

Mike is hell bent on taking karate lessons, which he does not currently take but for which he seems to already own a uniform (which I just learned from Google is called a karategi. Look how Growing Pains is helping me learn!). Jason and Maggie are pretty quick to recognize Mike has zero desire for the spiritual and disciplinary aspects of karate, and 100 percent desire for a girl in the class.

In typical Mike fashion, he’s taken the liberty of assuming his parents will say agree to pay for classes, so he’s already made plans to walk to karate class with the girl with whom he’s so smitten. But when she shows up at the door to meet him, Mike’s afraid it will undo all his (ineffective) efforts to convince his parents he’s truly into karate for the love of the practice. So he tosses the girl in the closet and proceeds to ramble on to his dad about how of course he’s not really into karate just for the girl because she’s really just an “elephant woman” and other similarly offensive labels. Well, karate class girl is not taking any of that, plus she’s been actually taking karate classes, so she busts out of the closet and proceeds to karate chop Mike’s ass. Mike definitely had this coming, and thankfully this ass-kicking is the end of this storyline.

Maggie and Jason

This is the real storyline of the episode, if you ask me, because it deals with legitimate questions of how we view honesty in relationships.  You see, Jason is experimenting with a compatibility test that he might use with clients in his practice and Maggie is super keen for the two of them to take it. I don’t know about you, but this seems fraught with disaster.  

Soon, the test results are in and Jason and Maggie are, in fact, compatible! But just when you think they’ve dodged a relationship landmine, they start digging into where they disagreed on different questions. Well, this is where things get interesting because Jason has answered that he might keep things from his spouse, and Maggie is not at all even remotely cool with this. She is pro “total honesty” and cannot believe that Jason isn’t.

 This kicks off one of those conversations that you know isn’t a good idea in a relationship, the kind where each person starts to share examples of things they’ve kept from the other person but only to protect that person from being hurt. Well, Jason shares that he ran into an ex recently and Maggie proves exactly why Jason might want to keep things from her because she completely overreacts to what sounded like a total chance meeting in a public space that lasted for minutes. Yikes.

Jason then has to work his psychiatry magic to rectify this situation, which basically involves tricking Maggie into admitting that she, too, has kept things from Jason (which she has). So now we’ve established that neither of them really have been walking the “total honesty” road, and perhaps that road is best left un-travelled.  At the end of the day, they clearly know they love each other and only want to avoid unnecessarily hurting each other and, really, isn’t that all any of us want?  I love Maggie and Jason. Sigh.

At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:

  • Is Ben’s vocabulary off the charts strong? He uses the word ‘indisposed’. How does a kid that young know what indisposed means?
  • Does a record actually exist for most attempt in a day to break a world record? Also, surely even in the 80s this would have required some form of independent verification?
  • Is Jason a math savant? One of Ben’s early world record attempts was to stay in the shower for 374 hours. Jason immediately calculates that would be two weeks. I mean, he didn’t even take a few seconds to come up with that. I am pretty good at mental math, but that was some seriously fast computing.
  • Why did I want Ben to get a storyline so badly? So far any storylines he’s had are not at all interesting to me, although I know that 40-year old women were certainly not the show’s primary demographic.