Season 2 Episode 2: Fast Times at Dewey High

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Guys, I am abuzz with excitement from the title alone. We’re heading back to Dewey High and that means a high probability that one of my all-time favourite high school principal characters—the incomparable Mr. Dewitt—might just make an appearance. What a Friday surprise! On top of that, I feel like a play on Fast Times at Ridgemont High has to mean lots of hijinks and action and, good god, maybe we’re going to break the streak of bad episodes!

What we have here is the first day of school for all the kids. Carol, predictably, is super excited. Ben is not, though we don’t yet know why. The big surprise is that Mike is just as excited as his sister. He’s a junior and he’s already got a date for the welcome back to school dance. The day is looking pretty golden, for everyone other than Ben at least. What will these kids get up to?

I can answer that question for you. We’ll get 3 different storylines among which we can divide our attention:

  1. Ben Deals with a Vengeful (and Exceedingly Patient) Bully
  2. Carol Craves Change (alliteration unintentional but awesome)
  3. Mike Gets Exactly What He Deserves

Ben Deals with a Vengeful (and Exceedingly Patient) Bully

We find out why Ben has been particularly negative about going back to school. Apparently, on the last day of school the year prior some giant monster of a kid threatened to kick Ben’s butt on the first day of school this year.  What kind of 9 year old has the willpower to deal with that kind of delayed gratification? Regardless, Ben asks to be transferred to another school and the school is trigger happy so they call Jason in right away.

As we’ve come to expect from Jason, he gets to heart of the matter quickly. The long and the short of it is Ben is afraid, but Jason helps Ben have a major revelation, which is that everyone is afraid sometimes. At this point, I want to hug Jason Seaver yet again because that’s a really important lesson for kids to learn.  Ben decides to stand up to his fears, and it turns out the “big kid” from last year didn’t grow over the summer and now Ben’s head and shoulders above him. The bully backs down quickly, the crisis is averted, and Ben’s first day turns out A-okay.

Sidenote: the kid who plays the bully (named Louis Vasco in this episode) is the same kid who will end up playing Ben’s friend Stinky Sullivan—who you may recall was referenced in the last episode. I am mildly embarrassed that I recognized this character inconsistency immediately.

Carol Craves Change

More than anything, Carol just wants this year to be different. She doesn’t want to hang out with all the same people and have all the same experiences. For a smart girl, Carol doesn’t seem to understand that routine experiences and a consistent peer group are the hallmarks of every high school. Nonetheless, she longs to break free but she just can’t. She ends up in all the same classes as her old friends, sitting at the same lunch table and talking about the same things. Nothing is going her way.

In a rare moment of vulnerability, she confides in Boner who, it turns out, is less of an unsupportive jerk when he’s not around Eddie. Boner also longs for a different high school experience this year. They have a heart warming chat, and then inexplicably agree to be each other’s dates for the first-day-of-school dance, which at first I’m thinking Mike won’t at all be cool with, but then they clarify that they don’t have to actually dance together or even go to the dance at all. What?!? Are you as confused as I am as to why this is at all helpful? But they’re both happy so I’m just going to leave this snoozer of a storyline behind and move on to the main course.

Mike Gets Exactly What He Deserves

As mentioned earlier, Mike’s already got a hot date lined up for tonight’s dance and Elaine is crazy excited about the whole thing.  Mike is, too, until he spots an even hotter girl down the hallway. He’s instantly smitten and determined to find out who this girl is, and also to take her to the dance instead of Elaine. Eddie and Boner are both present for this moment of love-at-first-sight and, as we’ve come to expect from Eddie and Boner, they completely fail as real friends because they encourage Mike to track down the hot girl. Sigh. Fifteen year-old boys, am I right?

Now, Carol tries to tell Mike that this pretty new girl is, in fact, “Bucktooth Becky”, who Mike has known and teased for years, but Mike clearly saw perfectly straight teeth so he won’t hear a word of this nonsense. Instead, he practically stalks Becky from classroom to classroom trying to find out who she is. Finally, Mike gets what he wants, which is Becky saying she’ll see him later at the dance. But he still doesn’t know her name. 

Mike thinks he’s got a date with this hot ‘new girl’ but now he’s also got a real problem because he still has a date with Elaine, who is over-the-moon excited and practically swooning over Mike whenever she’s within eyeshot. Mike tries to let Elaine down gently, but fails so he does what he’s done before: he makes up a lame excuse that no girl in her right mind would buy for a second. He claims he “misfired on a power squat” and has to see a doctor. Elaine, you deserve better.

Mike at least gets exactly what he deserves out of this whole situation, because no sooner has he dumped Elaine than he runs into his mysterious blond. He can finally ask her name and, lo and behold, it is Bucktooth Becky. And she remembers Mike and all his teasing very well, thank you very much, and thus has no intention of going to the dance with him. She merely meant she would see him there. Now Mike has no date and also a pretty bruised ego.

Not only was this episode no Fast Times at Ridgemont High, but there was no Mr. Dewitt to be seen. Although Coach Lubbock did make his first appearance, and he eventually gets a spinoff sitcom out of this deal, so that’s something. Season Two, we are on thin ice so far.

At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:

  • Did anyone else notice that the student sporting a giant ghetto blaster on his shoulder in the hallway was playing Honeymoon Suite’s “New Girl Now” when Mike first spotted the “new” blond? Just me? Okay.
  • Where the hell was Mr. Dewitt? All I got was his voice on the PA system and its implicit promise that Mr. Dewitt would grace our presence. I am gravely disappointed in his absence from this episode.

Season 2 Episode 1: Jason’s Cruisers

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Welcome to Season 2! Are you excited? I am. Season two has got to hold more potential for quality episodes than season one, right? Tell me I’m right. I need to know I’m right.  Sorry, that’s not a pretty colour on anyone. Let’s see what Growing Pains delivers in its second season premiere.

The Seavers are taking a trip down memory lane with some old family movies and eventually someone pops in a tape of Jason from his college days. And he’s in a band. Singing. With funny hair that the kids apparently can’t get over because they are losing their collective shit and collapsing in hysterical laughter. I am perplexed by this, because wouldn’t it earn Jason some cool points to have once been in a band?

Jason takes his kids’ reactions in stride, but what he cannot handle is the overwhelming feeling that he is getting old. Despite being only 40 years of age, somehow these videos have left Jason feeling about two steps from the grave. As a fellow 40 year-old, I want to grab Jason and shake him by the shoulders because, seriously, you’re only 40 for god’s sake.

Maggie has other plans to help Jason reconnect with his youth. Her first attempt involves begging Mike to play basketball with him and let him win. That doesn’t work, a) because Jason quickly figures it out and demands that Mike actually try and b) because when Mike does try, he kicks Jason’s butt. Despite 40 not being old, a 15-year old is still going to mop the basketball court with a 40 year-old’s ass most days.

Maggie’s got to pivot to Plan B, which involves throwing a surprise party for Jason featuring his former college band, the Wild Hots. Sidenote: of course Jason Seaver’s college band was called the Wild Hots. I have major doubts about this plan, because if a video of his old band has left him mopey, I don’t get how seeing them in person is going to be any better. But Maggie knows Jason best, and it’s soon apparent that her idea has some merit. When Jason learns that the band’s keyboardist had a coronary (!!!!) at the plucky age of 38 (!!!), and that the guitarist is now a “chrome dome”, he no longer feels as old.  I’m not sure this is a healthy way for someone to regain their sense of youth. Feeling better about ourselves by putting down others doesn’t seem like a very noble approach for anyone to take, let alone a psychiatrist.

I suppose what matters is that Jason no longer feels old, and we get to hear him perform with his band, which I have to admit is sort of disappointing. I feel like I saw clips of a young Alan Thicke singing with his real life band on the E True Hollywood Story of Growing Pains and he was much, much better than in this episode. Maybe the rest of the Wild Hots were bringing him down? All I know is this was a bit of a lacklustre start to Season 2 and I’m hoping that things pick up.

At the end of this episode I’m left wondering:

  • Do you think Alan Thicke pitched this episode as a way of showcasing his musical background?
  • At what point did season premier’s start to become a pretty big deal because it’s certainly not at this point in the 80s?
  • Ben makes his first reference to his friend Stinky Sullivan in this episode. When do we actually get to meet Stinky?
  • Related to the above point, why does Growing Pains give the Seaver’s friends names like Boner and Stinky? Are there really kids out there that must suffer with nicknames like this?

Season 1 In a Nutshell

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Lordy, we made it to the end of season one relatively unscathed! And now I would like to present my first ‘in a nutshell’ post where I will unpack the entire season in all its glory before we launch headfirst into the second season.

In a Nutshell

I had fairly low expectations for season one. I remember not loving it even when I was younger and infinitely easier to entertain. But then the first three quarters of the season pleasantly surprised me. I got into it. I was excited to watch episodes and write about them for you. Then we got to episode 19 and the wheels fell right off this bus. It was a slog to get through the remainder of the season, and you could probably tell from the lacklustre (and considerably shorter) posts.

What we learned this season is that:

  • Jason Seaver is the world’s best television father. Not only is he the glue that holds this family together, but he’s willing to have virtually any conversation with his kids with such compassion and grace. I realize I’m writing about him as if he were real. I know he is fictional and scripted. Still, he is the saving grace of this season.
  • Maggie is a bit of a hot head, and I have to assume her Irish blood is partly to blame (I feel justified in saying this because I, too, have Irish blood coursing through my veins)
  • Ben is too young to have any interesting storylines whatsoever
  • Carol is too much of an archetype at this point to be interesting. We get it, she’s smart. But what else is she? We will have to wait for future seasons to find out.
  • Mike is simultaneously the family’s black sheep but also the favourite, which is a tough line to straddle. 
  • Season 1 tackled some big topics (suicide, virginity, death, bullying, jealousy, and integrity) and proved in the process that the Seaver family can truly handle anything

Best Episodes

  • Episode 10: Dirt Bike–Small-scale lies, pun wielding doctors, and ass abrasions, how can you go wrong with that combination?
  • Episode 9: Carol’s Crush–Puppy love takes a turn towards inappropriate when 14 year-old Carol falls for 23 year-old Jeff. Only in the 80s!
  • Episode 18: Reputation–Injustice is my hot button topic and this one left me all sorts of fired up. Mike just couldn’t catch a break in this one, but he proved everyone wrong by taking a test in his skivvies. Which also, only in the 80s!

Worst Episodes

  • Episodes 19, 20 and 21: Oh good God. I can’t even write about these in any depth because it will only get me all worked up. All you need to know is that they were horrendously, gouge-your-eyes-out boring and are better left in the 80s.

There you have it! Season 1 in a nutshell. Join me tomorrow as we enter into bold new territory, otherwise known as season two. 

 

Season 1 Episode 22: Extra Lap

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Wow! Do you know what today is? Today is the final episode of season one! But don’t expect a dramatic cliff hanger. This is the 80s and, in 80s sitcom life, season finales are no big deal. Do you remember when season finales were just an average episode, then the show ended for a few months and there was no hullabaloo when the next season rolled around? I do. It was a glorious time.

In this season finale, we tackle the biggest of all topics: death. But we also do it the Seaver family way, which involves a ton of lightness and the occasional deeply serious moment that leaves us wondering if the Seaver family might just be the most perfect television family ever. Let’s get to it.

Uncle Bob is in town and what we gather from early moments is that everybody loves him to pieces. But then, when Mike goes to check on him one morning, he finds Uncle Bob dead. Yikes. Imagine the weight of discovering a dead relative in your home at the age of 15? It’s a good thing Mike’s dad is a psychiatrist, because I think he’s going to have a lot of emotions to unpack. And this is exactly what happens.

We see the Seavers mourning, sharing memories of Uncle Bob in a series of montages that are about a character we’ve never seen before on the show and will never see again. At first I’m wondering whether this episode will actually deal with grief in a meaningful way or whether we’re just going to pay homage to some character to which we’ve not had the chance to develop any emotional attachment.

But then we get into it. Mike wakes up in the middle of the night, hungry, and apparently with a hankering for a big swig of buttermilk straight from the carton. This is strange enough, but then things get really strange when Uncle Bob comes waltzing into the kitchen. Needless to say, Mike is shaken. Is he seeing things? Is he going crazy? Is there a legit ghost in the kitchen? Mike’s determined never to find out. He’s going to do the rational thing and try to avoid sleeping ever again. 

Jason, being the ever-observant parent, finally notices that Mike seems hell bent on avoiding sleep. And this is where we encounter quite possibly the most perfect parental conversation about death that I can imagine. Mike tells his dad he saw his Uncle Bob in the kitchen the night prior. Many parents would dismiss or try to brush this under the rug, but not Jason Seaver.  Jason believes that Mike saw Uncle Bob, even if it was only his mind playing tricks on him. He also believes that Mike is working through some aspects of Uncle Bob’s death that he’s not quite ready to consciously deal with. Whoa. In some moments, I genuinely want to hire Jason Seaver to be my own personal therapist and this is one of those moments. Imagine not dismissing your child when he essentially tells you he saw a ghost, but instead helping him see that his mind is working through something big, which is perfectly normal. Yeah, I know.

That very night, Mike decides to confront the ghost of Uncle Bob and here we get to the crux of Mike’s grief: he is trying to make sense of sudden loss, the kind you can’t anticipate and the kind you’re 100% not ready for.  Mike has not been ready to let go. But after a heart to heart with the ghost of his uncle, Mike is able to make peace with his death and sleep soundly once more.

With that, we bring season one to a close. Hallelujah!

At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:

  • Is buttermilk for more than baking? Should I give a cold glass of buttermilk a try? I mean, if it’s good enough for Mike Seaver…
  • Where can I find my own Jason Seaver?
  • Is Mike able to process grief at a rate more rapid than the average human?
  • Why does everyone else in Mike’s family seem relatively unfazed by Uncle Bob’s death?

Season 1 Episode 21: Career Decision

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 11 Comment

I don’t know how to tell you this so I’m going to come right out and say it: this is another in a series of less-than-entertaining episodes. In my opinion, Season One has taken a real turn for the worse since episode 18 and I am none too pleased. I’m sorry you have to suffer with me but, then again, at least we’re together?

This episode is another dog’s breakfast of plot lines the most significant of which involves Maggie and Jason grappling with career decisions (as the title so clearly implies). The long and the short of it is: Maggie’s got a front page story in the local paper and she is so grateful that Jason moved his practice back home so her career could shine. But then an old colleague comes by to offer Jason a job heading the psychiatry department in his old hospital and now we have what I like to call a conundrum. Who gets to pursue their career? Only time will tell.

What viewers will endure is about fifteen minutes worth of Jason making pro-con lists and debating whether to tackle career conversations with Maggie with integrity or selfish desires to escape the house every day. Maggie will wrestle with pressure to support her husband while still maintaining her own career. Viewers will wonder why someone needs to be at home with the kids after school when Mike and Carol are both old enough to take care of Ben for a couple hours. Alas, clearly Maggie and Jason are implicitly opposed to latchkey kids.  Personally, I loved the couple hours of perceived absolute freedom between when I got off school and my parents came home from work. I got to watch Much Music (the Canadian equivalent of MTV) and eat snacks I probably shouldn’t have been eating. That’s a big win for an 11 year old. Once again, I digress.

For a brief moment, it seems that Jason will be spared having to compromise on his career. Maggie gets lambasted for a typo in an article. Her editor is a bit of a hothead and seems to think that putting the wrong initial in someone’s name is the end of the world, and then Maggie somehow determines the best way to deal with this work mishap is to simply quit.  She talks to Jason about it, and he does the unthinkable: he takes the low road and quasi-manipulates Maggie into thinking quitting might just be the right choice. This is a rarely seen path for Jason and it does not suit him well.

What ensues is a classic sitcom misunderstanding in which Jason thinks Maggie has gone to work to quit, but Maggie has really gone to work to tell her editor she’s the shit. Jason storms in to try to stop her from quitting and Maggie tells him in no uncertain terms that was not her plan and we all have a good laugh. In the end, Maggie gets to keep her career and Jason has to give up his job…but not really, because he’s still gainfully employed.

Oh, and if you’re wondering, Carol, Mike and Ben all pretty much have nothing going on in this episode.

At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:

  • Aren’t there fact checkers for newspaper stories to make sure minor typos like that don’t happen? As I write this, I suspect maybe not at a Long Island community paper…
  • Really, couldn’t both Maggie and Jason have had their dream careers? I’m living proof that latchkey kids turn out just fine.
  • What is happening at the tail end of season 1? The episodes are getting painful to watch.

Season 1 Episode 20: Be a Man

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 11 Comment

Oh man, I’m not liking how the end of this season is winding down. After yesterday’s snooze-fest, Growing Pains has handed me another painfully slow episode that’s really made me want to throw in the towel on this whole mission. But I’m persevering for you, the few (if any?) reading this, and sparing you the pain of having to watch this episode for yourselves. 

Maggie and Jason were expecting a visit from Maggie’s parents but they cancelled at the last minute, but Maggie’s dad said not to worry because everything was “swell”. Well, apparently Maggie’s dad has never used any word resembling swell so she knows something’s up and she’s going straight to Boston to find out. Oh, and she’s taking Jason, Ben and Carol along for the ride, but lucky Mike gets to stay home completely unsupervised. This seems like a questionable parental choice, but then again Maggie and Jason’s trust in Mike ebbs and flows like the tide. 

In Boston, the Seavers arrive to find hordes of people milling through her parents’ house. The realtor, who isn’t too concerned with confidentiality, tells Jason the owners are selling because they need the money. Well, Maggie will not have her childhood home sold over a few dollars so she tells Jason they’re going to make it right. But she really means Jason has to fix it. The only problem is that Maggie’s dad is crazy proud. Oh, and also he hates Jason. 

Jason makes a couple failed attempts to reason with Maggie’s dad but then gives up on reason for a more effectively persuasive tool: Irish whiskey. Armed with a few stiff drinks, Jason stealthily starts to bet Maggie’s dad, for hundreds of dollars at a time, and wouldn’t you know it but within a very short time Maggie’s dad is up $6400. Conveniently, this is exactly how much they need to save the house. Maggie’s dad gets to keep the house and his pride, because he somehow didn’t realize that Jason was manipulating him. 

Sidenote: ohmygod I think I just realized that the Friends writers may have ripped off this storyline in the episode where Chandler tricks Joey into taking a bunch of his money by inventing a game called Cups…

While all this sleep-inducing “action” is taking place in Boston, Mike is back at home inadvertently throwing a rager of a house party. At first, he’d only invited Eddie and Boner over to eat pizza and watch TV. But then Eddie goes and ruins everything by agreeing to take free pizza in exchange for letting the pizza guy invite a few people over. You know how this goes: a few people turns into a whole lot of people, and before you know it the house is getting trashed and Mike is freaking out. I mean, some guy named Frank has taken his mom’s car for a joy ride and there is a German Shepard raiding his refrigerator so Mike probably should be freaking out.  He needs to get this house party under control, stat. 

He calls the cops pretending to be one of his neighbors, and I’ll spare you my thoughts on his horribly offensive accent, and the cops take an eternity to get there. This is a sharp contrast to episode 7 , where the cops showed up within minutes of Maggie and Jason calling to say they couldn’t reach their kids for a whopping 10 minutes. But who’s paying attention to that? Oh right, just me.

Anyway, the cops are taking forever and Mike can’t wait any longer to get these animals out of his house. Thankfully, just as he’s about to commit social suicide by calling off his own house party, the cops barge in and spare him the embarrassment. Problem solved! Except for the house and his mom’s car are both total disaster zones and there’s absolutely no way anyone would be able to clean that up in several days, let alone the one day Mike has. But I’m tired and this episode is really bad, so I’m just going to let this slide. 

At the end of this episode I’m left wondering:

  • Is there any way in hell Maggie and Jason really would’ve left Mike alone for a weekend?
  • Did Maggie’s dad really not realize he was being manipulated by Jason? 
  • Did Maggie’s parents really only need $6400 to save their house? Surely a home equity loan would’ve been an option?

 

Season 1 Episode 19: The Anniversary that Never Was

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Fair warning: every episode can’t be a winner and this one is definitely a major snooze-fest.  In fact, it was so bad that it seriously tested my commitment to actually watching every single episode, and you came incredibly close to not getting a recap.  I’m telling you that if you want to dive back into Growing Pains magic, you really should just skip this one because it’s absolutely not worth a second of your time.  

The title makes this relatively obvious but it’s Jason and Maggie’s anniversary and that’s cause for celebration. The kids are even making them breakfast in bed, which is super nice except for the fact that they’re not so skilled in the kitchen. I mean, even the garbage disposal rejected Carol’s breakfast, and those things will normally eat anything. 

Their surprise breakfast in bed plans are foiled when Maggie and Jason aren’t there. Somehow they’ve managed to get up, get dressed, and leave their room all without crossing paths with their children during what I assume was a lengthy breakfast preparation session. This seems implausible. No matter, the surprise gift has been ruined but thankfully they have a back up gift which is treating their parents to a day without the kids.  Maggie and Jason should be pumped by this, but they claim they had way too much work planned for the day. The kids ultimately wear them down, they agree to spend a day basking in their love for one another sans children, and the kids fly the coop.

Maggie and Jason’s day of love goes off the rails in mere minutes. First, there’s the garbage disposal repairman who claims he’ll only be a couple hours but who also moves as slow as molasses. Then Maggie’s work calls and she’s got a big opportunity to interview a major witness for her story, but that would require a trip to Washington. And suddenly, love isn’t in the air. Anniversary celebrations are officially off. 

Because this episode is so dull, I’m interjecting here with what I consider to be fun facts about Bud the Plumber (aka the garbage disposal repairman). So this guy appears in 8 Growing Pains episodes, always as a different character! Growing Pains actually did that a lot, but I digress. Anyway, man alive, if you look at this guy’s IMDB profile he acted steadily from 1941 to 2006, which was only four years before his passing. He appears to be one of those great character actors who showed up in an episode or two here or there. Sorry, I’m totally geeking out on this.  Actually, I’m not sorry because this is the best part of this whole episode!

Back to our hum-drum episode, Maggie is heading off to Washington which Jason is only okay with in theory because he wants to be a progressive husband.  She plans to be home in time for a celebratory anniversary dinner, so Jason acquiesces and stays home, where he seems to spend the bulk of the day waiting for Bud the plumber to finish the job (which, I should add, takes another 5.5 hours and $347.75 and which, I also need to add, would be $831 in today’s dollars!).

Jason’s somewhat-cool-with-Maggie-going-to-Washington-on-their-anniversary quickly shifts to not-at-all-cool-with-it when she calls to say her interview got delayed and she won’t make it home for dinner after all. Jason overreacts, and then the kids sort of freak out because Jason’s freaking out. And then they decide to buy him a plane ticket to go to Washington so he’ll stop freaking out. It would have been a great plan were it not for the fact that at the very same time, Maggie was deciding that, work be damned, she was going home for her anniversary.  

They miss each other by mere minutes, and just when you think it means the anniversary is ruined for good (and that the episode might finally be over), Maggie does the quickest turnaround possible and makes it back to the airport just in time to board Jason’s flight to Washington. They even get seats in the same row! That would never happen with a last-minute booking these days.  At least now the episode is finally over, and Maggie and Jason can enjoy their romantic anniversary flight to Washington in peace and quiet, just like the kids had hoped for. 

At the end of this episode I’m left wondering:

  • I’m still perplexed by how Maggie and Jason got up, got ready for the day, left their room and somehow the kids never saw them or heard them. How is that possible within the confines of a relatively small house?
  • How did Mike and Carol pay for this last-minute plane ticket? Surely you would need a credit card for this?
  • How did Maggie and Jason not come up with this plan to go to Washington together before their 9 year old son did?
  • Is anyone else as thrilled as I am about Bud the Plumber/Bill Erwin?
  • Why is this episode so incredibly boring?

Season 1 Episode 18: Reputation

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 14 Comments

Mike is “doing his homework”, which mostly involves air drumming with a pencil and trying to put historical facts into musical lyrics. Actually that latter approach is a pretty sound method for improving recall, but Jason doesn’t approve of any of this. He wants Mike to really apply himself to studying, maybe not just squeak through American History. And Mike better listen, or he might be staring summer school in the face. Well there’s a threat to kick off an episode!

Either Jason’s pep talk worked or Mike is really terrified by the prospect of summer school because he’s enlisted Carol’s help to prepare for his test. You can tell Carol thinks he’s a lost cause, but she still offers him some study tips, and something she says really seems to give Mike a brilliant idea, but we’re not quite sure what’s up his sleeve yet…

The next morning, Mike is simply way too excited about his history test. Good thing Ben is on detective duty without even knowing it, because he’s discovered why Mike is so pumped for this test, which is that Mike’s written all his history notes on the bottom of his shoes. And all of us viewers are saying a collective ‘don’t do it, Mike, don’t do it!’ But there’s no stopping Mike when it comes to getting into trouble.

But the surprise turn of events is that when Mike goes to take the test, he’s shocked when actually doesn’t need all those facts on his shoes. He actually knows the answers, which we can tell is a first for him. As it turns out, when you spend all night meticulously writing historical facts on the soles of your shoes, you’re actually studying and, in Mike’s case, it was without even trying.  And wouldn’t you know it but Mike ends up with the highest grade in the class! This should be cause for celebration but for one important fact: no one believes in Mike.

Mr. Dewitt is instantly leery of Mike’s stellar test performance, but he has no evidence to support his suspicions. That is, until Mike feels the need to gloat, during which he really puts his foot in his mouth, or rather puts his feet up on his desk. Mr. Dewitt now has the smoking gun he was looking for. Oh, Mike.

I have to go on a brief tangent here because this episode marks the arrival of Mr. Dewitt, who plays Mike’s history teacher in this episode, but also appears in a total of 13 episodes, and at some point is promoted to principal. I am over the moon excited because Mr. Dewitt has to be one of my favourite teacher/principal characters ever (second maybe only to Mr. Feeny of Boy Meets World fame), and he’s definitely my absolute favourite principal/teacher character of the sardonic variety. Thank you for indulging me, and we can now return to the episode at hand.

Mike tries to convince everyone that he didn’t cheat but Eddie and Boner laugh in his face, proving once again that they may be the worst friends ever. Carol also laughs in Mike’s face because she cannot imagine a world in which Mike could potentially be as intelligent as she is. Mr. Dewitt won’t even hear him out because he saw the proof for himself. Then the real icing on the cake is that Maggie and Jason don’t even believe him, and if anyone should believe Mike, it should be his own parents, right? It’s very clear that no one believes in Mike’s abilities, and that’s got to take a toll on you at that age, or at any age for that matter.

It’s at this point I am very, very triggered by this situation, not in and of itself but as symptomatic of larger societal tendencies. This is a small-scale but still infuriating example of the injustices that can occur when we define people by their past actions, as if they are not capable of ever showing up differently. This is why people give up fighting for justice when the world’s given up on them. How do you prove to someone that you can be different when their mind is already made up? What a dark place that would be to live in. Seriously, can you imagine that? This is exactly where Mike’s at, because he can’t believe that no one’s got his back and, eventually, he simply resigns himself to the fact that he’s going to be falsely accused of this crime.  Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

Back at school, it’s time for Mike and his parents to await a discussion and likely punishment from Mr. Dewitt. As they’re waiting for him to arrive, the Jason Seaver I know and love returns at long last because he finally starts to wonder if maybe Mike’s total and utter surrender to the fact that no one will ever believe him is a sign that he didn’t actually cheat.  He works some parental magic by stating a bunch of historical inaccuracies to see if Mike will correct them, which of course he does and, holy crap, Jason now sees Mike’s been telling the truth all along. And now he will fight to the death to restore Mike’s honour.

Okay, that was melodramatic. Really, he’ll just advocate for Mike like a normal parent, and that’s enough because Mr. Dewitt is a man reasonable enough to allow Mike one more opportunity to prove he didn’t cheat. How will he do that? Well, he’ll let Mike retake the test, of course. Only this time there’ll be nowhere to hide the answers because Mike is going to have to take the test in his skivvies. Aside from the obvious issues with requiring a student to strip down to his underwear, at least Mike is able to prove that he’s capable of more, and that we cannot confine people to narrow boxes based on their past behaviours. And that is a lesson we all benefit from learning.

At the end of this episode, I am left wondering:

  • Wouldn’t it have been super painfully obvious if Mike had cheated off the bottom of his shoes? It would not be easy to read those notes without some serious contortion.
  • Will Maggie and Jason accept this A as an anomaly or has Mike now reset their expectations of him to do better all the time? It’s a slippery slope showing your potential!
  • Why is Mike friends with Eddie and Boner? Because it seems like they’re consistently jerks towards him. Or is this how teenage dudes form their relationships?

Season 1 Episode 17: Charity Begins at Home

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 11 Comment

We’ve got ourselves another Ben-centric episode and I remember this one vividly, but I definitely won’t spoil it for you right off the top. Let’s get to it!

The start of this episode is just too much for this child of the 80s, because Ben and Mike are dancing to MTV music videos, and I can remember when people used to actually watch MTV for the music and videos. To add to the vintage feel of this scene, Carol is trying to talk on the phone in the same room and needs them to be quiet because she’s tethered by a corded phone. Guys, do you remember when phones had cords?!?! Do you remember not being able to go wherever you wanted to go with your phone? I sure do.

None of this has anything to do with the story, though, so I’ll get back on track. What we learn is we’re rapidly approaching Jason’s birthday, and Jason is apparently both a birthday fanatic and someone who wants (perhaps expects?) to receive lavish gifts from his family. In fact, he’s doubling down on the kids’ allowances just to make sure that happens.

The kids, of course, are now stressing because they want to get their dad great gifts, although mostly they want to out-do each other in the gifts department.  Ben is particularly bummed because he gets less allowance than his older siblings, and how will he ever be able to compete with their gifts? He raises these concerns with Maggie, who tries to assure him that we don’t show our love through the size of our gifts. While that may be true in actuality, Jason certainly hasn’t created that impression with his birthday exuberance.

Still in his funk, Ben stumbles upon some divine intervention—quite literally. As he’s flipping through channels he comes across some sort of evangelical broadcast promoting the power of prayer. Well, Ben’s never tried simply praying for more money so that he can buy his dad a better gift, so there’s no time like the present to start. Ben says a quick prayer to God and no sooner are the words out of his mouth then the doorbell rings.

There, standing on the other side of the door, is a delightful old lady holding out a bucket full of money. Ben, being nine years of age, assumes that she’s giving him the money in response to his prayer. He grabs the money, slams the door in the bewildered lady’s face, and is an instant believer in the Lord’s divine intervention.

Except, of course, the lady isn’t giving Ben money, she’s collecting money for charity and she’s not leaving without her bucket of cash. Within minutes, the matter is all sorted, she gets her money back, admonishes Ben, and leaves him empty-handed all over again.

Ben is crushed. God didn’t actually answer his prayers and he’s still broke. That might’ve been the end of Ben’s efforts to make fast cash if it hadn’t been for Mike. Mike, who had witnessed the entire scenario at the door, jokingly tells Ben that “with his pathetic face” he could probably make a fortune collecting money door to door. Mike is obviously not suggesting that Ben actually do this, but the problem is that 9 year-olds don’t always understand the difference between dry sarcasm and serious suggestions. Mike has inadvertently made a light bulb go off in Ben’s head: what if he did go to door to door collecting money for charity, only that charity is really “Help Me Buy a Gift for My Dad”. I sense trouble.

We jump ahead to Jason’s birthday and it’s time to open his gifts!  So far, Jason is really cleaning up in the gifts department. Carol gives him off broadway tickets. Maggie gives him a fishing rod even though we’ve never heard Jason talk about fishing  (nor, from my recollection, do we ever see any future signs that Jason is at all outdoorsy).  Mike gives him a pretty snazzy set of records, which totally makes sense because we do know Jason loves his music.  But Ben is about to blow those gifts out of the water because he’s giving Jason an ultra-fancy camera. Say what!?!

At first Jason is super pumped and thinks nothing of it, because he assumes that Maggie was really behind it. But when she clarifies that she wasn’t, the mood in the room takes a turn.  Of course, they ask where Ben got that kind of money (a cool $300 apparently) and he very innocently tells them he went door to door collecting money for the needy because Mike suggested it. Way to throw Mike under the bus, Ben. Once again, Carol is the only child who isn’t implicated in a Seaver family drama.

Jason’s birthday celebration now turns into Jason trying to understand 1) how Ben didn’t know this was wrong and 2) how Ben got the impression that the size and cost of the birthday gift was what mattered. While we don’t know the answer to the first question, I think we all know precisely why Ben thought the gift itself mattered, and that reason is Jason implicitly told his kids the gifts mattered. No matter, it’s time to dole out Ben’s punishment, while simultaneously ensuring he learns his lesson. Poor Ben is going to have to go door to door, giving back the money he took and explaining that he lied to get it. That’s a tough way to learn a lesson. Fair but tough.

At the end of a long day of fessing up to his crimes, Ben finally gives his dad his original gift—a homemade ashtray that looks remarkably like a human heart. Jason is touched, even though he doesn’t smoke, because the gift is from the heart (which I’m just realizing as I write this is maybe why it looks like a human heart???) and that’s what’s most important. Ben also confirms the lesson he has learned through all of this which is that “If God gives [him] an idea, [he’ll] check with [Jason] first.” Jason, I think you might need to do some follow up on this one…

Oh and in case you’re wondering, Mike didn’t escape scot-free. He’s got to donate his next month’s allowance to charity. Even though I still don’t really get how any of this is Mike’s fault, I am always okay with charities receiving more money so this punishment is ultimately for the best.  With that, we bring this episode and Jason’s birthday extravaganza to a close, and what an extravaganza it’s truly been!

At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:

  • How did Ben raise $300 in a day? Did people of the 80s have more cash in their pockets and were they more generous with door to door charity collections?
  • How did Ben get to the store to buy the camera, get it home and wrap it with no one noticing or asking him what he got for his dad?
  • Seriously, why did Mike get punished for this at all? Maggie claims it’s not fair for Mike to even joke with his brother because Ben idolizes him and will do whatever he says, but that’s what siblings do so her ask seems highly unreasonable. 

Season 1 Episode 16: The Seavers vs. The Cleavers

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 11 Comment

Oh my, Carol and Mike’s school has sent a letter home. But don’t worry, the kids aren’t in trouble. The school is just canvassing for volunteers to chaperone weekly school dances. Weekly? That school has ambition! Carol is totally cool with her parents’ chaperoning (for now), but Mike is definitely not.  This seems to take Maggie by surprise as she can’t wrap her head around why teenage kids wouldn’t want their parents at their school dances.

I’m usually team Jason and this is no exception, because at least he understands why their being chaperones might be difficult for the kids.  He enlightens Maggie, helping her see why they might want to let this one slide. The matter seems like it’s put to rest: Maggie and Jason aren’t going to chaperone. Mike breathes a sigh of relief.

But then…could there be a change of heart? You bet! Because Carol’s got a new crush, a boy who just moved from Los Angeles, and who is part of the dance decorating committee and thus will be attending the dance. Now Carol wants to go to the dance, too, but when Jason contemplates his little girl, at a dance, with some guy from LA, well, now chaperoning sounds like a great idea. Sorry, Mike, your mom and dad are going to the dance after all. To make matters worse, now Carol is also in a tizzy about it, because the idea of your parents chaperoning is only cool when you don’t want to slow dance with your crush for hours on end.

The next day at school, Carol is complaining to her new crush about how her parents are going to chaperoning the dance. It turns out his parents had chaperoned a dance in his old school and it was the worst night of his life. His parents danced. In front of everyone. He is still not fully recovered from this experience. This isn’t helping Carol at all, and now things are about to get worse for her.

Just as Carol is resigning herself to the embarrassing fate of publicly displayed parents, an unexpected story arc comes into play. Annette Funicello (of Mickey Mouse club fame!) is here and she is the picture of parental perfection and also a real stick in the mud.  Her character has a name in this episode, but if you don’t mind, I’m just going to keep calling her Annette. I come to expect Annette to be sweet as pie, because all of her characters have traditionally been sweet as pie, but she is definitely serving up some raging judgment in this role.

Anyway, Annette hears the Seavers are going to be chaperoning along with her and her husband and let’s just say that she doesn’t hold back on her opinions. She calls Maggie and Jason “unacceptable parents”, declaring it practically sinful that Jason runs a practice out of his house and Maggie went back to work after having children. The lady’s got strong viewpoints., that’s for sure, and they strike me as a little outdated even for the 80s.

The bigger problem is that Carol and her crush are privy to her entire diatribe and now Carol is even more embarrassed because her date heard her parents described as unacceptable. Now, I’m no expert on teenage social points systems, but wouldn’t having your parents be described as badass be a good thing? Carol doesn’t seem to think so.  In fact, she’s certain her shot at love, and her social life overall, are at serious risk.

Poor Carol, but also poor Maggie and Jason, because Annette’s got such clout in the PTA that she is able to get them kicked off chaperoning duty. The school claims it’s because they double booked chaperones, but Carol knows that’s not the real reason and she’s quick to let Maggie and Jason in on the real deal.

Not ones to take things lying down, Maggie and Jason head right over to Annette’s to clear the air. This is where we are exposed to a more complete and frightening picture of Annette. Because she is one of those people with plastic lined furniture and little plastic rollouts on the carpet so that everything is kept just so.  And she expects her son and husband to be just so. And all I’m thinking is that she’s clearly wrestling with some very deep and unresolved issues, and that perhaps she is very much in need of Jason’s psychiatric services, but that’s beside the point.  The point is that Maggie and Jason are not getting through to Annette because she is too deep in an impermeable hole of self-righteousness.

Maggie and Jason decide the next best thing is to simply show up at the dance, where they are still not designated as chaperones, just to show Annette how capable they are of holding a bunch of tame high school kids in line. Annette is practically fuming, but in a totally sublimated way that’s mildly terrifying.  But she’s about to get hers because apparently a part of this social event is an “old fogey dance” (their words, not mine) wherein the chaperones are invited to dance in front of all the students. As a brief aside, I now understand at an even deeper level how this would be embarrassing for the kids because it’s one thing to have your parents at the dance and quite another to have them partake in a spotlighted dancing session. I cannot imagine a 15 year old who would be okay with this.

Annette and her husband are first on the deck and they are, as you would expect from two uptight people, not very loose in the dancing department. And man it’s painful to watch and if their kid is at the dance, which he may very well not be allowed to attend, he probably is cowering in shame.  Maggie and Jason are up next, and they’ve got moves y’all.  Even the kids are noticing. In fact, they are genuinely cheering them on, and totally respecting their moves. Now, even though I’m legit impressed by their dancing, I still think that a bunch of high school kids would be making fun of them regardless, because that is what teenagers do. Somehow, in this manufactured 80s sitcom world the Seavers are gaining major cool points.  Mike and Carol, it seems, have been spared social pariah status. Crisis averted and a happy ending for all, just like we’ve come to know and love from the Seaver family!

At the end of this episode I’m left wondering:

  • Are weekly school dances a thing? I feel like we maybe had four per year. And none had parental chaperones.
  • At one point in this episode, Mike tries to go to school in a shirt that has a giant 3D chicken head coming out of it and Maggie and Jason react as if it is the most inappropriate thing he could possibly be wearing. My question is: even in the 80s couldn’t there have been far worse things for a kid to wear?
  • Does anyone still wrap their couches in plastic? Aside from the environmentally unfriendly factor, have we finally figured out once and for all that furniture is actually meant to be used?