Season 1 Episode 5: Superdad

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Whoa, within the first minute of this episode Jason already has his hands full. Mike’s dog-sitting, and the dog is out of control (sidenote: Jason seems to hate dogs, which is completely inconsistent with his overall character), and Carol’s in a funk because she heard from an unreliable source that the boy she likes said she looked like a gummy bear. But their problems are no match for Jason—aka superdad—because he’s putting out fires right, left and centre.

Maggie, however, isn’t so sure Jason’s actually capable of sorting through the kids’ plethora of daily problems. Surely, Jason must’ve missed something in the process and the kids actually need their mom. Right? Wrong. It seems what we learn in this episode is that Maggie might be a) a bit of a control freak and b) a little bit jealous of Jason’s success on the home front.

Maggie really starts to feel unnecessary when Superdad single-handedly deals with the fallout from Mike’s dog sitting failure. You see, Mike lost the dog he was sitting, then tried to replace it with a different coloured dog that he dyed to match the colour of the original dog, which was fine until it rained and the owner realized it was a different dog. But in a shocking turn of events, this actually made the owner crazy happy because it turns out that, like Jason, she also hated her dog!

But then we get to the straw that really broke the camel’s back for Maggie: Carol blows right past her mom and goes straight to Jason with more boy troubles. Maggie finally unleashes a torrent of pent-up resentment and jealousy. I think her exact words were that he was ‘edging her out’ of her territory. Yikes.

Jason, being a psychiatrist, quickly get to the heart of the matter—that Maggie is actually upset because she feels a little bit guilty for going back to work and kind of wanted Jason to fail a little bit in the parental department. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but Maggie is able to see what Jason’s saying, they have their heart to heart, and all is good in Seaver land once again.  All felt particularly right in the world for me, as the Seavers were back to resolving issues in their kitchen, which just felt like a return to true Growing Pains formula.

At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:   

  • Aren’t gummy bears kinda cute? I think I’d take it as a compliment someone thought I looked like a gummy bear. 
  • Would it be fantastic or completely awful to be married to a psychiatrist? One of my friend’s mom’s was a psychotherapist and I always thought she was trying to look into my soul, but that probably says more about me than her. 
  • Once again, at what point will Ben be involved in a legitimate storyline?

Season 1 Episode 4: Carol’s Article

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At long last, an episode with Carol’s name in the title! She finally gets a substantial storyline! Also we finally lost the backstory narration at the start of the episodes. I guess they decided America had finally caught up on the complexity of the Seaver household. 

In this episode, Carol wants to follow in Maggie’s journalistic footsteps by trying to get a job on the school newspaper. As part of her application, she has to submit a writing sample.  She has worked really, really hard on her story and asks Maggie to read it and be ‘savagely honest’. This puts Maggie in a pickle because Carol’s story is about clam diggers and is about as exciting as you’d expect an article about clam diggers to be.

Not only is the article dull as dirt, it’s also written like a doctoral dissertation. Not wanting to crush Carol’s dreams, Maggie struggles to dole out her feedback.  It’s wise she showed caution because, despite asking for honest feedback, Carol doesn’t really want it as evidenced by her petulant sulking and her tossing Maggie’s journalism book in the trash.

Despite Maggie’s critique, Carol opts to submit her article as is. Lo and behold, she still gets the newspaper job, but not before the supervising teacher takes the opportunity to tell her that her writing is “replete with stinkiosity”. Turns out Carol only got the job because no one else could even spell. That’s rough.  Carol doesn’t like this teacher’s feedback any better than Maggie’s, so she turns down the job and storms home to nurse her badly bruised ego.  

Sidenote: I felt for Carol in this moment because I had a vivid flashback to my university-level business communications course, where I was lambasted for my rambling, flowery language, the same writing style for which I had been praised in all my arts courses. I could feel the crippling blow to my own ego when Maggie and the teacher tore Carol’s writing to shreds. Evidently, Growing Pains is my own, personal form of therapy for working through unresolved issues…

Let’s get back on track.

It’s going to be okay for Carol. Maggie talks her down from the ledge (in Carol’s bedroom, not in the kitchen, so my theory of the kitchen being the only place heart-to-hearts happen has now been completely disproved). Carol recognizes that she has potential, and that she can just strip down the vocabulary and all will be right in the world.

In other storylines, Mike dabbles in betting on horse races, dragging Ben into the mix because Ben is the one with coin to contribute. Jason and Maggie encourage it, but only because they assume the boys will lose, which would have taught them a valuable lesson about why you shouldn’t gamble. Of course, in the very next race their horse actually wins, which wasn’t a part of the plan, but don’t worry because Ben and Mike get ultra greedy and put all their winnings on yet another horse. He also almost wins the race but then falls down in the final seconds of the race (which I couldn’t handle as a storyline—even though I know this show is fictional—because do you know if a horse goes down and breaks his leg they usually put it down?!?!?), and they lose all their winnings. Thank goodness that Maggie and Jason’s reverse psychology actually worked…and that they clarified that the injured horse was not put down, but rather put out to stud.

At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:

  • Does anyone who asks for feedback really ever want feedback?
  • Is there a legal betting age for gambling on horse races?  Or is Mike engaged in some seriously illegal activities fully supported by his parents?
  • At the end of this episode, when we learn the horse that fell has been put out to stud (i.e. to impregnate other horses), Mike pretends to have a leg injury. Is he actually implying he wants to impregnate a bunch of women? Not only would this never fly in today’s climate but also…don’t 16 year-old boys live in mortal fear of impregnating a woman?

Season 1 Episode 3: Jealousy

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Yet another episode kicks off with the backstory narration (the exact same one as the pilot and second episodes). Really, 80s sitcom viewers? I know we couldn’t binge watch back in the day, but surely the concept behind Growing Pains was not so complicated nor progressive that we couldn’t figure it out on our own just from watching!

In this episode, Maggie has a lead on a big story about contaminated water and it’s really taking her time away from Jason and he really doesn’t like it. And he really, really doesn’t like Maggie’s partner on the story, because he’s a man, and calls Maggie “Mags”, and all of this seems very threatening to Jason despite the fact that he and Maggie can otherwise not keep their hands off each other.  At any rate, Maggie’s working relationship with Fred is really throwing Jason off his game.

Maggie, of course, notices that Jason is jealous and confronts him about it…or, rather, laughs at him about it. In my experience, laughing at someone’s darker emotions almost never helps, and this time is no different. Spurred by his jealousy, Jason decides it’s a good idea to go to Maggie’s office in person and late at night, just to “ask her what Ben should do for his science project”. Even the kids know this isn’t cool and try to talk him out of it, but there’s no stopping the Jason Seaver jealousy freight train.

Karma has a funny way of rearing its head, though. Jason shows up at Maggie’s office, but instead of walking in like a normal person, he decides to creep along the glass like an intruder. Of course, Maggie and Fred then assume he is an intruder, perhaps one of the contaminated water goons, and Fred kicks the door open into Jason’s face.

Maggie and Jason then hash it out in her office (the first time this season an issue is not resolved in the Seaver family kitchen!). It turns out Maggie spent 15 years being jealous of Jason going to work in his “sexy psychiatrist sweaters” and so she has little time or patience for Jason’s jealousy. I think this was her attempt at empathy, but for me it fell a bit flat.  Jason, being a psychiatrist and all, quickly levels up his self-awareness and sees how he’s been overreacting.  Within minutes, all is well in the Seaver’s marriage once again.

At the end of this episode I’m left wondering:

  • Seriously, when will Ben or Carol get a meaningful storyline? Ben had a pretty weak science project storyline in this one, but Carol had nothing at all. To be fair, Mike’s storyline in this one is pretty marginal as well, so I suppose it was at least equitable amongst the kids this time around.
  • Is Fred a 1980s silver fox? I wouldn’t have thought so, but Jason was so jealous that I’m questioning my understanding of the 1980s male aesthetic. Fred did have a Tom Selleck kind of mustache going on…
  • Is there such a thing as a sexy psychiatrist sweater?
  • What happened with Maggie’s story? I kind of wanted to know whether they blew the roof off the story and caught the jerks poisoning the water, but we are left hanging. I know, I know, it’s a sitcom and the newspaper story was entirely secondary but honestly it was one of the most interesting things going on.  

Season 1 Episode 2: Springsteen

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Growing Pains wasted no time in reminding us of the show’s premise to kick off the second episode, leading me to wonder if there was a big gap between the pilot air date and the rest of the episodes, or whether 80s viewers just had particularly bad retention.

Here’s the gist of this episode: Mike is on a mission to score Springsteen tickets the night before the big concert, which of course means the concert is already sold out. We watch Mike answer phone call after phone call (on a corded phone! Oh, nostalgia!), but all to no avail. These tickets are hard to come by, which makes sense because this would’ve been Bruce’s heyday, but also because he waited until the last day to try to get his hands on tickets.  But I get it, because I saw Springsteen in Jersey well past his heyday and he still rocked out for over three hours. Mike knew he would be in for a killer show if he could just get his hands on those damn tickets.  

Thankfully Jason totally gets it, too, and manages to get his hands on 7th row tickets. It is unclear how, though I suspect scalpers would’ve been the only realistic option.  The catch: Mike has to go to the concert with his dad. I guess to a 15 year old, this may be the epitome of uncool, and I probably would have felt that way at that age too, but at the ripe old age of 40 I can’t help but feel like it’s really NBD to go to a concert with your dad. This, of course, is the gift of hindsight, which Mike doesn’t yet have. So instead he swears his friends to secrecy and begrudgingly goes to the concert with his dad.

Wouldn’t you know it, but they have an absolutely fantastic time together, because Mike and his dad actually like each other (and because going to a concert with your parents is NBD). Then tragedy strikes and Mike and his dad are interviewed by the tri-state news while leaving the concert.  The jig is up and everyone at school is going to know Mike is super lame for going to a concert with his dad. Mike’s high school social game is about to be dead in the water.  Personally, I think it would’ve been okay if Jason hadn’t both air drummed and kissed Mike repeatedly on the cheek on camera. I’ll be honest, I would’ve run from the cameras after that, too.

Naturally, Mike’s friends are insufferable after this incident. I mean, I was super pumped that Eddie and Boner made their first appearance in this episode…until they started being, well, Eddie and Boner. Mike has to don a really poor disguise just to get through the school day.

Jason eventually recognizes that maybe he went a bit over the top, and he and Mike have the requisite heart to heart (in the kitchen, of course) to make things right. To top it off, Alan Thicke PICKS KIRK CAMERON UP. Now, I know Kirk Cameron was super skinny as a young teenager, but the move still strikes me as one that would require a hell of a lot of strength. Alan Thicke was underappreciated in so many ways.

At the end of this episode I’m left wondering:

  • When do Carol and Ben get some decent storylines?  So far they’ve been relegated to the background. It’s the Mike show. Carol had a small animal rights storyline where she tried to foil her mom’s plan to trap and kill attic mice, and poor Ben got zilch in the storyline department.   
  • When will an issue be solved outside of the kitchen? Perhaps I should start a count of episodes during which the major conflicts are resolved and/or heart-to-hearts happen in the kitchen.
  • Does anyone else find that, although the heart to heart moments are a little on the cheesy-sitcom-moment side, you also sort of wish that your family had communicated like that?

Season 1 Episode 1: Pilot

To be honest, I don’t think I ever really liked Growing Pains’ first season, so I was sort of dreading these first 22 episodes. In perhaps a case of lowered expectations making reality better than it is, the pilot episode wasn’t nearly as bad as I remembered.

Before we really get started, can we just take a moment to respect the Growing Pains theme song? I mean, it’s still pretty catchy, and it was performed by legitimate singers. It might actually be the best part of the episode, and is most definitely the most nostalgic part of the show for me.

Right off the bat, I’m struck by the episode’s first minute, which is essentially a narrated backstory. Maggie’s gone back to work after 15 years, and Jason has transplanted his psychiatric practice into the home so he can be there to support the kids. This kind of protracted context-setting would never fly in today’s television. Spending precious moments just explaining the Seaver family dynamic would surely alienate today’s viewers. Besides, the premise is just not that complicated.

Here’s the gist of the episode: We kick off at breakfast time in the Seaver kitchen, where Jason and Maggie are ultra frisky in front of their kids about which I am not sure how I feel. On the one hand, it’s a little off-putting to me watching as an adult. On the other hand, maybe they’re actually setting a good example for their kids about healthy emotional expression, and the fact that passion doesn’t need to fade in marriages. Either way, I am most definitely giving this 100% too much deep thought.

Here’s what we’re working with in this episode: Ben is sad because his mom has gone back to work and he misses having her at home. Carol isn’t really doing much of anything. Mike wants to go to an under 20 club, delightfully named ‘House of Sweat’, and his mom doesn’t want him to go.  Mike pleads his case (he needs more freedom) and Jason caves (after Mike commits to giving him more responsibility in exchange for freedom). This seems like it will somehow go wrong.

And it does.

Mike is, in fact, not ready for responsibility because he winds up in jail after side-swiping a police car in the House of Sweat parking lot. This is further complicated by the fact that he doesn’t actually have a driver’s license.  My own take is that Mike was actually kind of being responsible because his friend was drunk and therefore unable to drive . It’s just unclear to me how his friend became quite so intoxicated at an under 20 club. Tiny, insignificant detail.

Jason, predictably, is none too pleased with Mike’s irresponsibility.  But the ever-so-slight plot twist is that Jason is actually more upset with himself because he really wants to have a trusting and open relationship with his son and he feels that’s been violated. Whoa. That’s actually pretty deep for 80s sitcom fare. They work it all out, though, and in the kitchen, which based on this episode is where the Seavers spend approximately 95% of their time.

The episode then ends on a totally bizarre note (in my opinion) because Jason is attempting to show his son that he still has moments where he does ‘dumb stuff’ by MOONING HIM. Thankfully it’s Maggie who walks into the kitchen because I am not sure how I feel about a father mooning his son.

At the end of this pilot, I’m left wondering:

  • Was Jason really mad that Mike violated his trust or was it actually because Mike’s arrest interfered with his champagne-and-satin-sheets plans with Maggie that night?
  • Was Growing Pains more religious than I remember? Maggie references original sin, which I can’t imagine cropping up in casual sitcom conversations these days.
  • Do kids get grounded anymore? Mike was grounded for two months and, maybe because I was never really grounded, this seems both excessive and nearly impossible to actually enforce.
  • Are holding cells actually located right in the middle of police stations? Are they always full of heavily tattooed but relatively harmless men who gruffly ask the newcomer “what are you in for?”
  • Is it all appropriate to even attempt to moon your own kid?
  • Are Maggie and Jason too racy for family sitcoms? Do they need to tone it down in front of their kids?
  • Is the Growing Pains theme song just really the best television theme song ever? Forget this question. I already know the answer, and it is a resounding yes.

So many questions left answered. Thankfully we have another 21 episodes this season to wade through these and other questions. The journey is just beginning my friends.

 

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It’s Happening

I know what the internet really needs is another blog that’s dedicated to rehashing sitcoms that are better left in the past. I can feel it in my heart. The world wants to know even more about 80s sitcom classics that are arguably better left in the past.

But why Growing Pains?

I spent my childhood watching Growing Pains, and then spent an embarrassing amount of my early adulthood re-watching the whole damn series (more than once). So that you may fully understand my undying love for this show, you should also know that during grad school, when I was living in a different country, I actually had a friend mail (!) me VHS tapes (!!!) of Growing Pains episodes he’d recorded off a channel I didn’t get where I was living. For like a year. Our system was like an old school version of the original Netflix (does anyone remember when they used to mail you DVDs?!?!?!—update: okay so apparently Netflix still mails DVDs to this day and makes a ton of money doing it!).

Really, all I’ve accomplished to this point is dating myself, and painting the picture of myself as a nostalgia hound or perhaps even a Kirk Cameron fanatic. I am none of these things. My fellow children of the 80s will understand me because we children of the 80s stick together.

The point I’ve been trying to get to here is that it’s been a long time since I’ve watched an episode, and I’m intensely curious as to whether the show will hold up through the eyes of an older and (questionably) wiser me. There is clearly only one way to find out: I need to watch every episode all over again, this time sharing the iconic wonder that is Growing Pains with the entire internet. Join me as I post daily (well, 5 days per week at least) episode recaps and throw in a few of my own thoughts for good measure.

Oh yes, it’s happening.

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