Category: Season 1

Season 1 In a Nutshell

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Lordy, we made it to the end of season one relatively unscathed! And now I would like to present my first ‘in a nutshell’ post where I will unpack the entire season in all its glory before we launch headfirst into the second season.

In a Nutshell

I had fairly low expectations for season one. I remember not loving it even when I was younger and infinitely easier to entertain. But then the first three quarters of the season pleasantly surprised me. I got into it. I was excited to watch episodes and write about them for you. Then we got to episode 19 and the wheels fell right off this bus. It was a slog to get through the remainder of the season, and you could probably tell from the lacklustre (and considerably shorter) posts.

What we learned this season is that:

  • Jason Seaver is the world’s best television father. Not only is he the glue that holds this family together, but he’s willing to have virtually any conversation with his kids with such compassion and grace. I realize I’m writing about him as if he were real. I know he is fictional and scripted. Still, he is the saving grace of this season.
  • Maggie is a bit of a hot head, and I have to assume her Irish blood is partly to blame (I feel justified in saying this because I, too, have Irish blood coursing through my veins)
  • Ben is too young to have any interesting storylines whatsoever
  • Carol is too much of an archetype at this point to be interesting. We get it, she’s smart. But what else is she? We will have to wait for future seasons to find out.
  • Mike is simultaneously the family’s black sheep but also the favourite, which is a tough line to straddle. 
  • Season 1 tackled some big topics (suicide, virginity, death, bullying, jealousy, and integrity) and proved in the process that the Seaver family can truly handle anything

Best Episodes

  • Episode 10: Dirt Bike–Small-scale lies, pun wielding doctors, and ass abrasions, how can you go wrong with that combination?
  • Episode 9: Carol’s Crush–Puppy love takes a turn towards inappropriate when 14 year-old Carol falls for 23 year-old Jeff. Only in the 80s!
  • Episode 18: Reputation–Injustice is my hot button topic and this one left me all sorts of fired up. Mike just couldn’t catch a break in this one, but he proved everyone wrong by taking a test in his skivvies. Which also, only in the 80s!

Worst Episodes

  • Episodes 19, 20 and 21: Oh good God. I can’t even write about these in any depth because it will only get me all worked up. All you need to know is that they were horrendously, gouge-your-eyes-out boring and are better left in the 80s.

There you have it! Season 1 in a nutshell. Join me tomorrow as we enter into bold new territory, otherwise known as season two. 

 

Season 1 Episode 22: Extra Lap

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Wow! Do you know what today is? Today is the final episode of season one! But don’t expect a dramatic cliff hanger. This is the 80s and, in 80s sitcom life, season finales are no big deal. Do you remember when season finales were just an average episode, then the show ended for a few months and there was no hullabaloo when the next season rolled around? I do. It was a glorious time.

In this season finale, we tackle the biggest of all topics: death. But we also do it the Seaver family way, which involves a ton of lightness and the occasional deeply serious moment that leaves us wondering if the Seaver family might just be the most perfect television family ever. Let’s get to it.

Uncle Bob is in town and what we gather from early moments is that everybody loves him to pieces. But then, when Mike goes to check on him one morning, he finds Uncle Bob dead. Yikes. Imagine the weight of discovering a dead relative in your home at the age of 15? It’s a good thing Mike’s dad is a psychiatrist, because I think he’s going to have a lot of emotions to unpack. And this is exactly what happens.

We see the Seavers mourning, sharing memories of Uncle Bob in a series of montages that are about a character we’ve never seen before on the show and will never see again. At first I’m wondering whether this episode will actually deal with grief in a meaningful way or whether we’re just going to pay homage to some character to which we’ve not had the chance to develop any emotional attachment.

But then we get into it. Mike wakes up in the middle of the night, hungry, and apparently with a hankering for a big swig of buttermilk straight from the carton. This is strange enough, but then things get really strange when Uncle Bob comes waltzing into the kitchen. Needless to say, Mike is shaken. Is he seeing things? Is he going crazy? Is there a legit ghost in the kitchen? Mike’s determined never to find out. He’s going to do the rational thing and try to avoid sleeping ever again. 

Jason, being the ever-observant parent, finally notices that Mike seems hell bent on avoiding sleep. And this is where we encounter quite possibly the most perfect parental conversation about death that I can imagine. Mike tells his dad he saw his Uncle Bob in the kitchen the night prior. Many parents would dismiss or try to brush this under the rug, but not Jason Seaver.  Jason believes that Mike saw Uncle Bob, even if it was only his mind playing tricks on him. He also believes that Mike is working through some aspects of Uncle Bob’s death that he’s not quite ready to consciously deal with. Whoa. In some moments, I genuinely want to hire Jason Seaver to be my own personal therapist and this is one of those moments. Imagine not dismissing your child when he essentially tells you he saw a ghost, but instead helping him see that his mind is working through something big, which is perfectly normal. Yeah, I know.

That very night, Mike decides to confront the ghost of Uncle Bob and here we get to the crux of Mike’s grief: he is trying to make sense of sudden loss, the kind you can’t anticipate and the kind you’re 100% not ready for.  Mike has not been ready to let go. But after a heart to heart with the ghost of his uncle, Mike is able to make peace with his death and sleep soundly once more.

With that, we bring season one to a close. Hallelujah!

At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:

  • Is buttermilk for more than baking? Should I give a cold glass of buttermilk a try? I mean, if it’s good enough for Mike Seaver…
  • Where can I find my own Jason Seaver?
  • Is Mike able to process grief at a rate more rapid than the average human?
  • Why does everyone else in Mike’s family seem relatively unfazed by Uncle Bob’s death?

Season 1 Episode 21: Career Decision

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 11 Comment

I don’t know how to tell you this so I’m going to come right out and say it: this is another in a series of less-than-entertaining episodes. In my opinion, Season One has taken a real turn for the worse since episode 18 and I am none too pleased. I’m sorry you have to suffer with me but, then again, at least we’re together?

This episode is another dog’s breakfast of plot lines the most significant of which involves Maggie and Jason grappling with career decisions (as the title so clearly implies). The long and the short of it is: Maggie’s got a front page story in the local paper and she is so grateful that Jason moved his practice back home so her career could shine. But then an old colleague comes by to offer Jason a job heading the psychiatry department in his old hospital and now we have what I like to call a conundrum. Who gets to pursue their career? Only time will tell.

What viewers will endure is about fifteen minutes worth of Jason making pro-con lists and debating whether to tackle career conversations with Maggie with integrity or selfish desires to escape the house every day. Maggie will wrestle with pressure to support her husband while still maintaining her own career. Viewers will wonder why someone needs to be at home with the kids after school when Mike and Carol are both old enough to take care of Ben for a couple hours. Alas, clearly Maggie and Jason are implicitly opposed to latchkey kids.  Personally, I loved the couple hours of perceived absolute freedom between when I got off school and my parents came home from work. I got to watch Much Music (the Canadian equivalent of MTV) and eat snacks I probably shouldn’t have been eating. That’s a big win for an 11 year old. Once again, I digress.

For a brief moment, it seems that Jason will be spared having to compromise on his career. Maggie gets lambasted for a typo in an article. Her editor is a bit of a hothead and seems to think that putting the wrong initial in someone’s name is the end of the world, and then Maggie somehow determines the best way to deal with this work mishap is to simply quit.  She talks to Jason about it, and he does the unthinkable: he takes the low road and quasi-manipulates Maggie into thinking quitting might just be the right choice. This is a rarely seen path for Jason and it does not suit him well.

What ensues is a classic sitcom misunderstanding in which Jason thinks Maggie has gone to work to quit, but Maggie has really gone to work to tell her editor she’s the shit. Jason storms in to try to stop her from quitting and Maggie tells him in no uncertain terms that was not her plan and we all have a good laugh. In the end, Maggie gets to keep her career and Jason has to give up his job…but not really, because he’s still gainfully employed.

Oh, and if you’re wondering, Carol, Mike and Ben all pretty much have nothing going on in this episode.

At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:

  • Aren’t there fact checkers for newspaper stories to make sure minor typos like that don’t happen? As I write this, I suspect maybe not at a Long Island community paper…
  • Really, couldn’t both Maggie and Jason have had their dream careers? I’m living proof that latchkey kids turn out just fine.
  • What is happening at the tail end of season 1? The episodes are getting painful to watch.

Season 1 Episode 20: Be a Man

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 11 Comment

Oh man, I’m not liking how the end of this season is winding down. After yesterday’s snooze-fest, Growing Pains has handed me another painfully slow episode that’s really made me want to throw in the towel on this whole mission. But I’m persevering for you, the few (if any?) reading this, and sparing you the pain of having to watch this episode for yourselves. 

Maggie and Jason were expecting a visit from Maggie’s parents but they cancelled at the last minute, but Maggie’s dad said not to worry because everything was “swell”. Well, apparently Maggie’s dad has never used any word resembling swell so she knows something’s up and she’s going straight to Boston to find out. Oh, and she’s taking Jason, Ben and Carol along for the ride, but lucky Mike gets to stay home completely unsupervised. This seems like a questionable parental choice, but then again Maggie and Jason’s trust in Mike ebbs and flows like the tide. 

In Boston, the Seavers arrive to find hordes of people milling through her parents’ house. The realtor, who isn’t too concerned with confidentiality, tells Jason the owners are selling because they need the money. Well, Maggie will not have her childhood home sold over a few dollars so she tells Jason they’re going to make it right. But she really means Jason has to fix it. The only problem is that Maggie’s dad is crazy proud. Oh, and also he hates Jason. 

Jason makes a couple failed attempts to reason with Maggie’s dad but then gives up on reason for a more effectively persuasive tool: Irish whiskey. Armed with a few stiff drinks, Jason stealthily starts to bet Maggie’s dad, for hundreds of dollars at a time, and wouldn’t you know it but within a very short time Maggie’s dad is up $6400. Conveniently, this is exactly how much they need to save the house. Maggie’s dad gets to keep the house and his pride, because he somehow didn’t realize that Jason was manipulating him. 

Sidenote: ohmygod I think I just realized that the Friends writers may have ripped off this storyline in the episode where Chandler tricks Joey into taking a bunch of his money by inventing a game called Cups…

While all this sleep-inducing “action” is taking place in Boston, Mike is back at home inadvertently throwing a rager of a house party. At first, he’d only invited Eddie and Boner over to eat pizza and watch TV. But then Eddie goes and ruins everything by agreeing to take free pizza in exchange for letting the pizza guy invite a few people over. You know how this goes: a few people turns into a whole lot of people, and before you know it the house is getting trashed and Mike is freaking out. I mean, some guy named Frank has taken his mom’s car for a joy ride and there is a German Shepard raiding his refrigerator so Mike probably should be freaking out.  He needs to get this house party under control, stat. 

He calls the cops pretending to be one of his neighbors, and I’ll spare you my thoughts on his horribly offensive accent, and the cops take an eternity to get there. This is a sharp contrast to episode 7 , where the cops showed up within minutes of Maggie and Jason calling to say they couldn’t reach their kids for a whopping 10 minutes. But who’s paying attention to that? Oh right, just me.

Anyway, the cops are taking forever and Mike can’t wait any longer to get these animals out of his house. Thankfully, just as he’s about to commit social suicide by calling off his own house party, the cops barge in and spare him the embarrassment. Problem solved! Except for the house and his mom’s car are both total disaster zones and there’s absolutely no way anyone would be able to clean that up in several days, let alone the one day Mike has. But I’m tired and this episode is really bad, so I’m just going to let this slide. 

At the end of this episode I’m left wondering:

  • Is there any way in hell Maggie and Jason really would’ve left Mike alone for a weekend?
  • Did Maggie’s dad really not realize he was being manipulated by Jason? 
  • Did Maggie’s parents really only need $6400 to save their house? Surely a home equity loan would’ve been an option?

 

Season 1 Episode 19: The Anniversary that Never Was

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 13 Comments

Fair warning: every episode can’t be a winner and this one is definitely a major snooze-fest.  In fact, it was so bad that it seriously tested my commitment to actually watching every single episode, and you came incredibly close to not getting a recap.  I’m telling you that if you want to dive back into Growing Pains magic, you really should just skip this one because it’s absolutely not worth a second of your time.  

The title makes this relatively obvious but it’s Jason and Maggie’s anniversary and that’s cause for celebration. The kids are even making them breakfast in bed, which is super nice except for the fact that they’re not so skilled in the kitchen. I mean, even the garbage disposal rejected Carol’s breakfast, and those things will normally eat anything. 

Their surprise breakfast in bed plans are foiled when Maggie and Jason aren’t there. Somehow they’ve managed to get up, get dressed, and leave their room all without crossing paths with their children during what I assume was a lengthy breakfast preparation session. This seems implausible. No matter, the surprise gift has been ruined but thankfully they have a back up gift which is treating their parents to a day without the kids.  Maggie and Jason should be pumped by this, but they claim they had way too much work planned for the day. The kids ultimately wear them down, they agree to spend a day basking in their love for one another sans children, and the kids fly the coop.

Maggie and Jason’s day of love goes off the rails in mere minutes. First, there’s the garbage disposal repairman who claims he’ll only be a couple hours but who also moves as slow as molasses. Then Maggie’s work calls and she’s got a big opportunity to interview a major witness for her story, but that would require a trip to Washington. And suddenly, love isn’t in the air. Anniversary celebrations are officially off. 

Because this episode is so dull, I’m interjecting here with what I consider to be fun facts about Bud the Plumber (aka the garbage disposal repairman). So this guy appears in 8 Growing Pains episodes, always as a different character! Growing Pains actually did that a lot, but I digress. Anyway, man alive, if you look at this guy’s IMDB profile he acted steadily from 1941 to 2006, which was only four years before his passing. He appears to be one of those great character actors who showed up in an episode or two here or there. Sorry, I’m totally geeking out on this.  Actually, I’m not sorry because this is the best part of this whole episode!

Back to our hum-drum episode, Maggie is heading off to Washington which Jason is only okay with in theory because he wants to be a progressive husband.  She plans to be home in time for a celebratory anniversary dinner, so Jason acquiesces and stays home, where he seems to spend the bulk of the day waiting for Bud the plumber to finish the job (which, I should add, takes another 5.5 hours and $347.75 and which, I also need to add, would be $831 in today’s dollars!).

Jason’s somewhat-cool-with-Maggie-going-to-Washington-on-their-anniversary quickly shifts to not-at-all-cool-with-it when she calls to say her interview got delayed and she won’t make it home for dinner after all. Jason overreacts, and then the kids sort of freak out because Jason’s freaking out. And then they decide to buy him a plane ticket to go to Washington so he’ll stop freaking out. It would have been a great plan were it not for the fact that at the very same time, Maggie was deciding that, work be damned, she was going home for her anniversary.  

They miss each other by mere minutes, and just when you think it means the anniversary is ruined for good (and that the episode might finally be over), Maggie does the quickest turnaround possible and makes it back to the airport just in time to board Jason’s flight to Washington. They even get seats in the same row! That would never happen with a last-minute booking these days.  At least now the episode is finally over, and Maggie and Jason can enjoy their romantic anniversary flight to Washington in peace and quiet, just like the kids had hoped for. 

At the end of this episode I’m left wondering:

  • I’m still perplexed by how Maggie and Jason got up, got ready for the day, left their room and somehow the kids never saw them or heard them. How is that possible within the confines of a relatively small house?
  • How did Mike and Carol pay for this last-minute plane ticket? Surely you would need a credit card for this?
  • How did Maggie and Jason not come up with this plan to go to Washington together before their 9 year old son did?
  • Is anyone else as thrilled as I am about Bud the Plumber/Bill Erwin?
  • Why is this episode so incredibly boring?

Season 1 Episode 18: Reputation

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 14 Comments

Mike is “doing his homework”, which mostly involves air drumming with a pencil and trying to put historical facts into musical lyrics. Actually that latter approach is a pretty sound method for improving recall, but Jason doesn’t approve of any of this. He wants Mike to really apply himself to studying, maybe not just squeak through American History. And Mike better listen, or he might be staring summer school in the face. Well there’s a threat to kick off an episode!

Either Jason’s pep talk worked or Mike is really terrified by the prospect of summer school because he’s enlisted Carol’s help to prepare for his test. You can tell Carol thinks he’s a lost cause, but she still offers him some study tips, and something she says really seems to give Mike a brilliant idea, but we’re not quite sure what’s up his sleeve yet…

The next morning, Mike is simply way too excited about his history test. Good thing Ben is on detective duty without even knowing it, because he’s discovered why Mike is so pumped for this test, which is that Mike’s written all his history notes on the bottom of his shoes. And all of us viewers are saying a collective ‘don’t do it, Mike, don’t do it!’ But there’s no stopping Mike when it comes to getting into trouble.

But the surprise turn of events is that when Mike goes to take the test, he’s shocked when actually doesn’t need all those facts on his shoes. He actually knows the answers, which we can tell is a first for him. As it turns out, when you spend all night meticulously writing historical facts on the soles of your shoes, you’re actually studying and, in Mike’s case, it was without even trying.  And wouldn’t you know it but Mike ends up with the highest grade in the class! This should be cause for celebration but for one important fact: no one believes in Mike.

Mr. Dewitt is instantly leery of Mike’s stellar test performance, but he has no evidence to support his suspicions. That is, until Mike feels the need to gloat, during which he really puts his foot in his mouth, or rather puts his feet up on his desk. Mr. Dewitt now has the smoking gun he was looking for. Oh, Mike.

I have to go on a brief tangent here because this episode marks the arrival of Mr. Dewitt, who plays Mike’s history teacher in this episode, but also appears in a total of 13 episodes, and at some point is promoted to principal. I am over the moon excited because Mr. Dewitt has to be one of my favourite teacher/principal characters ever (second maybe only to Mr. Feeny of Boy Meets World fame), and he’s definitely my absolute favourite principal/teacher character of the sardonic variety. Thank you for indulging me, and we can now return to the episode at hand.

Mike tries to convince everyone that he didn’t cheat but Eddie and Boner laugh in his face, proving once again that they may be the worst friends ever. Carol also laughs in Mike’s face because she cannot imagine a world in which Mike could potentially be as intelligent as she is. Mr. Dewitt won’t even hear him out because he saw the proof for himself. Then the real icing on the cake is that Maggie and Jason don’t even believe him, and if anyone should believe Mike, it should be his own parents, right? It’s very clear that no one believes in Mike’s abilities, and that’s got to take a toll on you at that age, or at any age for that matter.

It’s at this point I am very, very triggered by this situation, not in and of itself but as symptomatic of larger societal tendencies. This is a small-scale but still infuriating example of the injustices that can occur when we define people by their past actions, as if they are not capable of ever showing up differently. This is why people give up fighting for justice when the world’s given up on them. How do you prove to someone that you can be different when their mind is already made up? What a dark place that would be to live in. Seriously, can you imagine that? This is exactly where Mike’s at, because he can’t believe that no one’s got his back and, eventually, he simply resigns himself to the fact that he’s going to be falsely accused of this crime.  Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

Back at school, it’s time for Mike and his parents to await a discussion and likely punishment from Mr. Dewitt. As they’re waiting for him to arrive, the Jason Seaver I know and love returns at long last because he finally starts to wonder if maybe Mike’s total and utter surrender to the fact that no one will ever believe him is a sign that he didn’t actually cheat.  He works some parental magic by stating a bunch of historical inaccuracies to see if Mike will correct them, which of course he does and, holy crap, Jason now sees Mike’s been telling the truth all along. And now he will fight to the death to restore Mike’s honour.

Okay, that was melodramatic. Really, he’ll just advocate for Mike like a normal parent, and that’s enough because Mr. Dewitt is a man reasonable enough to allow Mike one more opportunity to prove he didn’t cheat. How will he do that? Well, he’ll let Mike retake the test, of course. Only this time there’ll be nowhere to hide the answers because Mike is going to have to take the test in his skivvies. Aside from the obvious issues with requiring a student to strip down to his underwear, at least Mike is able to prove that he’s capable of more, and that we cannot confine people to narrow boxes based on their past behaviours. And that is a lesson we all benefit from learning.

At the end of this episode, I am left wondering:

  • Wouldn’t it have been super painfully obvious if Mike had cheated off the bottom of his shoes? It would not be easy to read those notes without some serious contortion.
  • Will Maggie and Jason accept this A as an anomaly or has Mike now reset their expectations of him to do better all the time? It’s a slippery slope showing your potential!
  • Why is Mike friends with Eddie and Boner? Because it seems like they’re consistently jerks towards him. Or is this how teenage dudes form their relationships?

Season 1 Episode 17: Charity Begins at Home

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 11 Comment

We’ve got ourselves another Ben-centric episode and I remember this one vividly, but I definitely won’t spoil it for you right off the top. Let’s get to it!

The start of this episode is just too much for this child of the 80s, because Ben and Mike are dancing to MTV music videos, and I can remember when people used to actually watch MTV for the music and videos. To add to the vintage feel of this scene, Carol is trying to talk on the phone in the same room and needs them to be quiet because she’s tethered by a corded phone. Guys, do you remember when phones had cords?!?! Do you remember not being able to go wherever you wanted to go with your phone? I sure do.

None of this has anything to do with the story, though, so I’ll get back on track. What we learn is we’re rapidly approaching Jason’s birthday, and Jason is apparently both a birthday fanatic and someone who wants (perhaps expects?) to receive lavish gifts from his family. In fact, he’s doubling down on the kids’ allowances just to make sure that happens.

The kids, of course, are now stressing because they want to get their dad great gifts, although mostly they want to out-do each other in the gifts department.  Ben is particularly bummed because he gets less allowance than his older siblings, and how will he ever be able to compete with their gifts? He raises these concerns with Maggie, who tries to assure him that we don’t show our love through the size of our gifts. While that may be true in actuality, Jason certainly hasn’t created that impression with his birthday exuberance.

Still in his funk, Ben stumbles upon some divine intervention—quite literally. As he’s flipping through channels he comes across some sort of evangelical broadcast promoting the power of prayer. Well, Ben’s never tried simply praying for more money so that he can buy his dad a better gift, so there’s no time like the present to start. Ben says a quick prayer to God and no sooner are the words out of his mouth then the doorbell rings.

There, standing on the other side of the door, is a delightful old lady holding out a bucket full of money. Ben, being nine years of age, assumes that she’s giving him the money in response to his prayer. He grabs the money, slams the door in the bewildered lady’s face, and is an instant believer in the Lord’s divine intervention.

Except, of course, the lady isn’t giving Ben money, she’s collecting money for charity and she’s not leaving without her bucket of cash. Within minutes, the matter is all sorted, she gets her money back, admonishes Ben, and leaves him empty-handed all over again.

Ben is crushed. God didn’t actually answer his prayers and he’s still broke. That might’ve been the end of Ben’s efforts to make fast cash if it hadn’t been for Mike. Mike, who had witnessed the entire scenario at the door, jokingly tells Ben that “with his pathetic face” he could probably make a fortune collecting money door to door. Mike is obviously not suggesting that Ben actually do this, but the problem is that 9 year-olds don’t always understand the difference between dry sarcasm and serious suggestions. Mike has inadvertently made a light bulb go off in Ben’s head: what if he did go to door to door collecting money for charity, only that charity is really “Help Me Buy a Gift for My Dad”. I sense trouble.

We jump ahead to Jason’s birthday and it’s time to open his gifts!  So far, Jason is really cleaning up in the gifts department. Carol gives him off broadway tickets. Maggie gives him a fishing rod even though we’ve never heard Jason talk about fishing  (nor, from my recollection, do we ever see any future signs that Jason is at all outdoorsy).  Mike gives him a pretty snazzy set of records, which totally makes sense because we do know Jason loves his music.  But Ben is about to blow those gifts out of the water because he’s giving Jason an ultra-fancy camera. Say what!?!

At first Jason is super pumped and thinks nothing of it, because he assumes that Maggie was really behind it. But when she clarifies that she wasn’t, the mood in the room takes a turn.  Of course, they ask where Ben got that kind of money (a cool $300 apparently) and he very innocently tells them he went door to door collecting money for the needy because Mike suggested it. Way to throw Mike under the bus, Ben. Once again, Carol is the only child who isn’t implicated in a Seaver family drama.

Jason’s birthday celebration now turns into Jason trying to understand 1) how Ben didn’t know this was wrong and 2) how Ben got the impression that the size and cost of the birthday gift was what mattered. While we don’t know the answer to the first question, I think we all know precisely why Ben thought the gift itself mattered, and that reason is Jason implicitly told his kids the gifts mattered. No matter, it’s time to dole out Ben’s punishment, while simultaneously ensuring he learns his lesson. Poor Ben is going to have to go door to door, giving back the money he took and explaining that he lied to get it. That’s a tough way to learn a lesson. Fair but tough.

At the end of a long day of fessing up to his crimes, Ben finally gives his dad his original gift—a homemade ashtray that looks remarkably like a human heart. Jason is touched, even though he doesn’t smoke, because the gift is from the heart (which I’m just realizing as I write this is maybe why it looks like a human heart???) and that’s what’s most important. Ben also confirms the lesson he has learned through all of this which is that “If God gives [him] an idea, [he’ll] check with [Jason] first.” Jason, I think you might need to do some follow up on this one…

Oh and in case you’re wondering, Mike didn’t escape scot-free. He’s got to donate his next month’s allowance to charity. Even though I still don’t really get how any of this is Mike’s fault, I am always okay with charities receiving more money so this punishment is ultimately for the best.  With that, we bring this episode and Jason’s birthday extravaganza to a close, and what an extravaganza it’s truly been!

At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:

  • How did Ben raise $300 in a day? Did people of the 80s have more cash in their pockets and were they more generous with door to door charity collections?
  • How did Ben get to the store to buy the camera, get it home and wrap it with no one noticing or asking him what he got for his dad?
  • Seriously, why did Mike get punished for this at all? Maggie claims it’s not fair for Mike to even joke with his brother because Ben idolizes him and will do whatever he says, but that’s what siblings do so her ask seems highly unreasonable. 

Season 1 Episode 16: The Seavers vs. The Cleavers

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 11 Comment

Oh my, Carol and Mike’s school has sent a letter home. But don’t worry, the kids aren’t in trouble. The school is just canvassing for volunteers to chaperone weekly school dances. Weekly? That school has ambition! Carol is totally cool with her parents’ chaperoning (for now), but Mike is definitely not.  This seems to take Maggie by surprise as she can’t wrap her head around why teenage kids wouldn’t want their parents at their school dances.

I’m usually team Jason and this is no exception, because at least he understands why their being chaperones might be difficult for the kids.  He enlightens Maggie, helping her see why they might want to let this one slide. The matter seems like it’s put to rest: Maggie and Jason aren’t going to chaperone. Mike breathes a sigh of relief.

But then…could there be a change of heart? You bet! Because Carol’s got a new crush, a boy who just moved from Los Angeles, and who is part of the dance decorating committee and thus will be attending the dance. Now Carol wants to go to the dance, too, but when Jason contemplates his little girl, at a dance, with some guy from LA, well, now chaperoning sounds like a great idea. Sorry, Mike, your mom and dad are going to the dance after all. To make matters worse, now Carol is also in a tizzy about it, because the idea of your parents chaperoning is only cool when you don’t want to slow dance with your crush for hours on end.

The next day at school, Carol is complaining to her new crush about how her parents are going to chaperoning the dance. It turns out his parents had chaperoned a dance in his old school and it was the worst night of his life. His parents danced. In front of everyone. He is still not fully recovered from this experience. This isn’t helping Carol at all, and now things are about to get worse for her.

Just as Carol is resigning herself to the embarrassing fate of publicly displayed parents, an unexpected story arc comes into play. Annette Funicello (of Mickey Mouse club fame!) is here and she is the picture of parental perfection and also a real stick in the mud.  Her character has a name in this episode, but if you don’t mind, I’m just going to keep calling her Annette. I come to expect Annette to be sweet as pie, because all of her characters have traditionally been sweet as pie, but she is definitely serving up some raging judgment in this role.

Anyway, Annette hears the Seavers are going to be chaperoning along with her and her husband and let’s just say that she doesn’t hold back on her opinions. She calls Maggie and Jason “unacceptable parents”, declaring it practically sinful that Jason runs a practice out of his house and Maggie went back to work after having children. The lady’s got strong viewpoints., that’s for sure, and they strike me as a little outdated even for the 80s.

The bigger problem is that Carol and her crush are privy to her entire diatribe and now Carol is even more embarrassed because her date heard her parents described as unacceptable. Now, I’m no expert on teenage social points systems, but wouldn’t having your parents be described as badass be a good thing? Carol doesn’t seem to think so.  In fact, she’s certain her shot at love, and her social life overall, are at serious risk.

Poor Carol, but also poor Maggie and Jason, because Annette’s got such clout in the PTA that she is able to get them kicked off chaperoning duty. The school claims it’s because they double booked chaperones, but Carol knows that’s not the real reason and she’s quick to let Maggie and Jason in on the real deal.

Not ones to take things lying down, Maggie and Jason head right over to Annette’s to clear the air. This is where we are exposed to a more complete and frightening picture of Annette. Because she is one of those people with plastic lined furniture and little plastic rollouts on the carpet so that everything is kept just so.  And she expects her son and husband to be just so. And all I’m thinking is that she’s clearly wrestling with some very deep and unresolved issues, and that perhaps she is very much in need of Jason’s psychiatric services, but that’s beside the point.  The point is that Maggie and Jason are not getting through to Annette because she is too deep in an impermeable hole of self-righteousness.

Maggie and Jason decide the next best thing is to simply show up at the dance, where they are still not designated as chaperones, just to show Annette how capable they are of holding a bunch of tame high school kids in line. Annette is practically fuming, but in a totally sublimated way that’s mildly terrifying.  But she’s about to get hers because apparently a part of this social event is an “old fogey dance” (their words, not mine) wherein the chaperones are invited to dance in front of all the students. As a brief aside, I now understand at an even deeper level how this would be embarrassing for the kids because it’s one thing to have your parents at the dance and quite another to have them partake in a spotlighted dancing session. I cannot imagine a 15 year old who would be okay with this.

Annette and her husband are first on the deck and they are, as you would expect from two uptight people, not very loose in the dancing department. And man it’s painful to watch and if their kid is at the dance, which he may very well not be allowed to attend, he probably is cowering in shame.  Maggie and Jason are up next, and they’ve got moves y’all.  Even the kids are noticing. In fact, they are genuinely cheering them on, and totally respecting their moves. Now, even though I’m legit impressed by their dancing, I still think that a bunch of high school kids would be making fun of them regardless, because that is what teenagers do. Somehow, in this manufactured 80s sitcom world the Seavers are gaining major cool points.  Mike and Carol, it seems, have been spared social pariah status. Crisis averted and a happy ending for all, just like we’ve come to know and love from the Seaver family!

At the end of this episode I’m left wondering:

  • Are weekly school dances a thing? I feel like we maybe had four per year. And none had parental chaperones.
  • At one point in this episode, Mike tries to go to school in a shirt that has a giant 3D chicken head coming out of it and Maggie and Jason react as if it is the most inappropriate thing he could possibly be wearing. My question is: even in the 80s couldn’t there have been far worse things for a kid to wear?
  • Does anyone still wrap their couches in plastic? Aside from the environmentally unfriendly factor, have we finally figured out once and for all that furniture is actually meant to be used?

Season 1 Episode 15: Slice of Life II

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 1Leave a comment

Oh no, we have a Slice of Life II, which I can only assume is somehow related to the original Slice of Life episode. If you recall, that episode was an absolute mess plot-wise, so now I’m mentally preparing for yet another disaster. Here’s hoping I’m wrong!

For reasons we don’t yet know, Maggie has threatened the kids about disturbing Jason this weekend. In fact, it’s so serious that the consequence for disrupting him would apparently be hanging them by their thumbs in the basement (!).  Carol and Ben have already violated the don’t-disturb-Jason rule within minutes and let’s just say that Jason really is quite the grumpy bear…like he’s actually lost all capacity for words and is actually growling at his kids like a bear. This is not the Jason I know and love.

Turns out Jason’s just writing a paper and so his grumpiness seems a little extreme for the circumstances. Although, now that I write it, I realize I am definitely not the most pleasant person to be around when I leave my work until the last minute….which I almost always do. Anyway, the kids need to quit it with their antics because Jason needs to get his work done and they are driving him crazy.

Sadly, this is the last point at which this episode has a coherent storyline. As I feared, this Slice of Life Part II is about to devolve into a bunch of disconnected storylines. Sigh. Here we go again. I’m going to break this down by character once again while simultaneously shaking my fist at the Growing Pains writers for throwing me another one of these episodes.

Carol: Richie is back in the picture again, and he’s back to being booksmart and in the same grade as Carol once again, even though just four episodes ago in the Standardized Test episode he was portrayed as a) dumb and b) in the same class as Mike. Character inconsistencies aside, Richie has paid off his classmates to be Carol’s partner in a mock marriage project that baffles me to my core. In all the big shows of this era, kids are matched up in pretend marriages as a major school project. These mock marriages are somehow meant to be an educational tool, but I fail to see why any school system would a) promote the idea that marriage is a necessary part of life or b) assume that the best way to learn about relationships is to pair kids up with strangers and ask them to pretend to be married. Ugh. 

Carol and Richie, it seems, are meant to be married so they can learn how to budget. It seems to me you could just as easily learn to budget as a single person, but I digress again. The long and the short of this storyline is: Carol hates working with Richie and treats him like garbage, and Richie just really wants to use the project as a way to get closer to Carol, and it’s all just incredibly sad to watch. 

Mike and Ben: The short version of this story is that Mike’s been warned repeatedly not to ride his skateboard in the house under threat of multiple months of grounding. Of course, he not only rides his skateboard in the house but shatters a kitchen window in the process, which is either proof that he has the sickest skateboarding skills ever or that he’s the worst skateboarder ever. Regardless, be bribes Ben into taking the fall to avoid punishment but in return agrees to be Ben’s butler for the weekend. Ben is outstanding at being a first-rate, demanding brat from hell and Mike quickly realizes that it may have been better just to take his punishment like a man. No matter, in the end of course Jason finds out the truth and both of them are grounded, which just proves that lying gets you nowhere.

Maggie and Jason: No wonder Jason is super stressed and angry about this paper. He has to type it on a typewriter. Can any of you remember that time? I can. Writing papers on a typewriter was a very special form of torture, in which an entire page could be rendered unusable from one typo. Kids today know nothing of that pain.

This is all beside the point, really. What’s really going on here is, despite Jason being perfectly clear that he needs distraction-free time to get his paper done, Maggie is hell bent on talking. She’s trying to chit chat away with Jason, but we all know there’s got to be something bigger on her mind.

And there is.

Suddenly, Maggie is talking about how cute the kids were when they were younger and how she just saw so-and-so’s baby and it was so cute, and has Jason ever thought about having another kid? I gotta say that this is not a casual conversation in any way and poor Jason really just wants to get his paper done so it doesn’t feel very kind to drop this kind of question bomb on him right now.

Jason puts his foot in his mouth pretty quickly because he says he sometimes dreams of having another kid…then wakes up screaming. Jason’s got all sorts of reasons why having another kid is a no go. Maggie is relentless in distracting Jason and continuing to bring up the topic of children. And of course you already know it’s not just a theoretical conversation, it’s because she thinks she might be pregnant.

That turns the tide for Jason, because now he’s not only not at all concerned with his paper, but genuinely super pumped at the prospect of another kid. Sometimes we don’t know what we really want until it’s staring us in the face. He’s super excited to be Mr.Mom when the baby is born so that Maggie doesn’t even need to quit her job, and you just want to hug Jason Seaver for being a beacon of progressiveness in the 80s.

Unfortunately, their enthusiasm doesn’t last long because the doctor calls and confirms that Maggie is not actually pregnant. And while this is a sad moment for them in some ways, the whole situation has ultimately highlighted that they’re both on the same page about expanding the Seaver family in the not too distant future. *Spoiler alert* Anyone who’s watched this show in the past knows that they do have another kid in the future, so this is really just laying the groundwork so we can all emotionally prepare for a new Seaver at some point and time.

At the end of this episode, I’m left wondering:

  • Why are these Slice of Life episodes such a disaster? And please, God, tell me there isn’t another one coming my way!
  • Did these mock marriage assignments actually happen in public school systems? Was I only spared this preposterous assignment because I wasn’t yet in high school in the mid 80s?
  • Do you want to know an interesting fact? Of course you do! Richie says he paid his classmates $60 to get Carol as his partner. I found an online inflation calculator that tells me that’s equivalent to $143 in today’s dollars! Where is Richie getting this kind of money and how is Carol not gentler with his heart after he dropped that kind of coin just to be her partner in a school project? Listen, I’m not saying she needs to return his love, but she could show some modicum of compassion for the poor guy’s obvious lovesickness.

Season 1 Episode 14: First Blood

On By InMyBackyardIn Season 12 Comments

Whoa. This title is pretty hard core for a Growing Pains episode. Wasn’t it the name of a Rambo movie (update: Google confirm that yes, it was)?  I’m super intrigued already and can’t at all remember what this episode is about so I’m ready to get this thing rolling.

The episode kicks off without any noticeable connection to First Blood.  Mike is turning down a date with Jennifer “wonderbuns” Miller, offering the world’s feeblest (and most unbelievable) excuse, which is that he’s giving away one of his kidneys. Mike? Turning down a date? This seems inconsistent with his character, doesn’t it? But then we find out that it’s because she invited him to a wedding, where he’d have to dance, and dancing is not something Mike knows how to do. I see a storyline developing and I am right! Maggie and Jason convince Mike that dancing is the way to a lady’s heart which is all he needs to be sold on learning. He calls “Wonderbuns” back to tell her that it turns out kidneys aren’t in demand and he can go to the wedding after all.  She is either remarkably gullible or entirely smitten with Mike because she seems unfazed by this string of obvious lies. All that’s left for a happy ending is Mike actually learning to dance.  

Where’s the first blood in this episode, you might be asking? Don’t worry, it’s coming.  Because Ben’s just arrived home from his hockey game and it turns out his coach is a bit of a bully and, as most bullies are wont to do, he’s also encouraging everyone on the team to be bullies.  Maggie reacts immediately, as we’re accustomed to seeing her do, and wants to pull Ben out of hockey right that second. Jason, ever the measured one, decides it’s better to try to reason with the Coach first.

So Jason heads to the next practice, where we immediately see that Coach is, in fact, in need of a talking to because he’s calling the players “girls”, telling Jason that Ben needs 40 more pounds on him, encouraging aggressive fighting, and fining players for their mistakes on the ice. This is no way to coach children, and Jason knows it. It’s also worth noting that Coach is the dad from Wonder Years, and every bit as gruff as his character on that show, which leads me to believe it might just be the way he is in real life…

Anyway, Jason attempts to be civil and understanding with the Coach while still calling him out on his unacceptable behaviour.  Words are exchanged, the Coach is incapable of having a productive conversation, and things escalate quickly. Despite Jason’s best efforts to present a mature and non-violent approach, telling the Coach that he has “sublimated anger” that he is “displacing on the kids” works about as well as you’d think it might. In this trash talk battle, Jason loses. He also loses the real battle, because we end up with a good, old-fashioned fist fight and Jason is the one to emerge with a black eye.

Predictably, Maggie is none too pleased when Jason comes home with a black eye, particularly because Jason seems oddly proud of it. The bigger problem is that all Jason’s talk about fighting not being the answer has gone out the window. The old adage of actions speak louder than words exists for a reason. Ben’s ready for first blood now, and we can finally see where the episode’s title comes from. Jason tries to backpedal with Ben, but it’s too little too late: the very next day, Ben comes home with a black eye.

Now Jason really sees the need to get on top of this situation. He’s got to show Ben once and for all how to deal with bullies like a real man.  So he takes Ben back to the hockey rink to apologize to the Coach, who somehow takes what is very clearly an apology as a throw down. At least this time Jason holds his moral ground and pulls out this gem of line which all of us really need to hear these days: “if we can’t teach our children that fighting is not the answer, then we have failed as parents and as human beings.” Boom. That’s a Jason Seaver mic drop right there. And while I was floored by the poignancy of Jason’s statement, the Coach was not.  Instead, he sucker punches Jason in the gut, perhaps perfectly highlighting all that is wrong in the world today, and Jason and Ben are literally heckled out of the hockey rink by the entire team.

Now Ben is really questioning how taking the high road is ever the right call, and I can understand how it would be difficult for a child to make sense of this in light of the Coach’s behavior. Honestly, it’s hard for me to see sometimes. To work it out, Ben and Jason get into a pretty heavy conversation about how violence truly only begets more violence. I now remember watching this episode as a kid and thinking nothing of this whole exchange but in this moment it is striking me as both as crazy important and super timely.  I cannot help but wonder where the hell are all the Jason Seavers of the world, because we seriously need more of us to understand this message. But this is still the 80s and the really horrible acts of mass violence were still fewer and farther between.  What’s important in the episode is that Ben gets it now and Jason becomes the coach of the hockey team, which means at the very least he’s saved the world from having to deal with one hockey team’s worth of first-rate hooligans.  

Oh, and in case you’re wondering what happened with poor Mike and his quest to transform himself into Fred Astaire, he did learn to dance. Then his date pulled the proverbial rug out from underneath him because the wedding was called off which means the date was called off. Mike’s not going to let his newly acquired fancy footwork go to waste, though. He dances that girl around his living room like there’s no tomorrow and, once again, Maggie and Jason were right because “Wonderbuns” is clearly smitten. Dancing really is the way to a girl’s heart.

At the end of this episode I’m left wondering:

  • Even at 15, would any girl really agree to go out with some guy after he offered up an excuse as lame as giving up a kidney?
  • Is Maggie the first true helicopter parent? In a generation (i.e. the 80s) of fairly loose parenting styles, she is exponentially hyper reactive to anything involving her children.
  • I have to ask again, where are all the Jason Seavers of the world helping us see that compassion, not violence, is always the answer? The world needs more of this.